Page 92 of Flawed

"What did I say now?" she asks.

"I dated him for four months. We're not a good fit. And I'm not introducing anyone to my daughter unless I'm getting married," I adamantly proclaim.

"Maybe you're being overly cautious," she suggests.

That's what Jeff and the six men before him said to me. I count to three in my head then reply, "I don't need Zara getting attached to anyone."

My mother smiles and puts her arm around my shoulder. "Well, a wedding would be nice to plan."

"Mom!" I groan.

"It's true!"

"Okay! I'm ready!" Zara shrieks, wheeling an overnight bag behind her.

"Did I say you could use the new bag Massimo gave me?" I ask, relieved to get off the topic of my failed love life. I've come to the conclusion I'm doomed. No matter who I date, I never feel what I felt with Luca.

I wondered once if it was because I constantly see him in my daughter, but then it hit me the last time Jeff and I got done having sex.

No one is Luca and no one will ever come close. All I'm doing with these men is chasing an apparition of what it felt like to be his and how he made me feel.

Unfortunately, everyone since him has left me feeling disappointed. No matter what kind of sex we have, it never lights me up the way I was when Luca and I were together.

Sometimes, I wonder if it's all in my head. Did it really feel how I remember, or am I grasping at the past because I can't have him?

"Can I use it, Mom? I love it! Pretty please?" Zara begs, batting her eyelashes.

Once again, she has me wrapped around her finger.

She has way too expensive taste for a ten-year-old.

I crouch in front of her. "Okay, but next time ask before you pack it."

"Okay. Thanks!"

I tug her into me. "Hug me so I don't forget you love me."

She squeezes me hard.

I return her affection and say, "I love you so much. Come home early Sunday morning so I can see you this weekend."

She pulls back. "If I come home early, will you tell me about my dad?" There's so much hope in her eyes that it kills me.

I cave, surprising myself, and blurt out, "I'll tell you something about him on Sunday."

Her eyes light up. "You will?"

My chest tightens, but maybe my mom is right. A small detail won't hurt. "Yes, but after I tell you, I want you to stop getting angry with me all the time. The topic is closed after we talk Sunday."

"Okay. Thanks, Mom!" She throws her arms around me again, and I close my eyes.

"Be good," I tell her.

"I will." She takes my mom's hand, and they leave.

I glance around my kitchen, realizing I'm going to be bored all weekend. I thought I'd be spending the entire weekend with Zara.

My phone rings, and I glance at it, then answer, "Hey, Pina."

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