Page 42 of Committed to You

God, I’m a total dickhead.

Thinking back, I try to remember the last time I had sex and who it was with, and I can’t accomplish that, either.

I scroll through my messages to any girl I can think of who had been a friend with benefits, and I see the same things. In the last few months, I’ve blown all of them off.

It must be because of work and how busy I’ve been, trying to create this expansion into the Midwest.

It’s time to stop lying to yourself, Chase. All you think about is Vivian. She’s the only one you want.

The car pulls up to Noah’s, and I quickly go inside and up to his penthouse. No one is home when I get there, so I sit on the couch, pulling up my messages to Vivian. I scroll through the seven months since I met her.

A pit starts to grow in my stomach. Her messages are funny and sweet, but she tried to retreat from me throughout the last seven months numerous times. I always drag her back in.

Some of my messages are cocky. I sound like a douchebag in several, and I cringe at what her impression of me is and what she thinks my truth is.

The scene at Club D, after Charlotte left with Vivian, comes to mind.

“Advice coming from the king of players himself. Sure, Chase,” Xander said to me.

“What the fuck does that mean?”

“Nothing,” he muttered.

“No. You said it, so go ahead and explain yourself.”

Xander glared. “Okay. Fine. What the hell is up with you and Vivian? Are you playing her like all your other girls?”

I stepped closer to him. “What’s going on between Vivian and me is none of your concern. But, for your information, no, I’m not playing her. I like her. And I don’t play girls. They all know the arrangement.”

Arrangement. Vivian isn’t a girl who should be an arrangement.

The pit in my stomach grows. Even my friends think I’m going to hurt Vivian.

I text Xander. “Hey, I know you’re going through a lot right now with Charlotte not talking to you, but I wanted to say I’m sorry, and you’re right.”

He calls. “Hey, Xander. Charlotte talking to you yet?”

“No. I’ve even banged on her door.”

“I’m sorry.”

“It is what it is. So what am I right about?”

I take a deep breath. “I need your honesty.”

“Shoot. I have nothing else to do.”

I chuckle. “Guess we’re both pathetic, then?”

He laughs. “You got that right. So, what’s going on?”

“I’m an asshole to girls, aren’t I?”

Xander sighs. “I shouldn’t have judged you last night. I’m sorry about that.”

“But I am, right?”

“No, I wouldn’t say you’re an asshole. As you said, you give them fair disclosure, but some of those girls are desperate to be with you, and it’s really sad watching them fawn all over you when you’re never going to give them what they want.”

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