Page 140 of More than Paper

In three months, I’m going to be a mother. I don’t know what I’m having. I don’t want to know the sex until Jamison comes back. So I decorated the nursery in neutral colors.

I’ve been focusing on my writing, and my first book is about to be published. I don’t know what to expect, but it’s what Jamison wanted me to do.

At night, when I close my eyes, the biggest thing I’m scared about comes flying at me so fast, I feel suffocated. It’s that he won’t come home.

I no longer have any contact with my family. When I told my mother I was pregnant, she began to lecture me about how I’ve turned into her.

I won’t have anyone shame my baby or my relationship with Jamison. I see how wrong I was about so many things. Unimportant things I made critical to our relationship when it didn’t matter. Jamison said we had more than paper, and he was right. I kick myself daily that I couldn’t see it. The only thing that matters is how much we loved each other.

Love. How much we still love each other.

I started wearing the pink diamond ring Jamison gave me a few months ago. I woke up in the middle of the night, dreaming of his declaration to me, and I pulled it out of my jewelry box.

Why couldn’t I have just accepted things?

I’ve tried to stay active and keep my mind off thinking of what he may be going through. Yoga has been my saving grace. I get done with my class, roll up my mat, and put my shoes on. At home, I unlock the door to my apartment and freeze.

Am I seeing things?

It looks like Jamison, but is it? He has a full beard, his hair is longer, and skin dark with a tan, and tears fill his eyes.

I put my hand over my mouth and drop my yoga mat and bag on the floor. He takes a few steps forward and wraps me in his arms.

“Oh my God, is it really you?” I cry.

“Yes, doll, it’s me.”

I snuggle into his arms and chest like a blanket, feeling the safety I’ve missed all these months. I look up and tug his head down to me, crushing my lips against him, burying myself in the world I was scared I had lost forever.

I pull back and cup his face in my hands. “Are you okay?”

He starts to sob. “Shh,” I try to soothe him as more tears fall down my cheeks.

What has he been through? What has he seen?

I pull him tighter to me, wishing I could take away all his pain.

“Tell me I haven’t lost you, doll,” he sobs.

“I’m yours. No matter what. I’m yours for life,” I promise him. The baby kicks. My stomach is against him, and Jamison jumps back.

“What was that?” he asks.

I cup his face. “That’s your baby.”

His eyebrow rises. “My what?”

“Your baby.”

He steps back. “Quinn, you’re pregnant?”

He puts his hand on my stomach. “We’re having a baby?”

“Yes.”

He picks me up and twirls me around. When he sets me down, he kisses me so deeply, I’m breathless.

“How far along are you?”

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