Page 77 of More than Paper

“I think you should set up a publishing schedule so you can keep moving forward.”

Part of me is excited, and part of me is cringing. This is all still scary for me.

“Let me read the comments first. Can we talk after I’ve read them?”

“Sure. Read them today though. You need to get your work out into the world.”

Excitement bubbles again, even though I try to tell myself to stay levelheaded about this.

I’ve done a ton of research over the last few months and thrown myself into learning everything involved in self-publishing. I haven’t told anyone, including Jamison. I know he wants me to publish, but I don’t want to let him down if I decide not to. Kim is the only person who knows, and she convinced me to send my manuscript to the beta readers to see what their feedback was.

In the last few months, Jamison and I have secretly flown back and forth to be with each other. He keeps asking me to move to New York, and I’ve thought about it a lot, trying to come to terms with moving across the country and having him support me.

Admittedly, I do want to focus on my writing, and the closer I get to publishing, the more open I am to the idea.

I hate my job even more. My boss seems to have gotten meaner, and I hate management. The only good thing about it is that I’m making more money, so I’ve been able to put some aside. If I do decide to move to New York, at least I will have a small nest egg, so I don’t have to completely depend on Jamison until I start to make money from my novels.

I’ve also looked for editing jobs in New York and submitted my resume to several publishers, but I’m not getting anywhere with that.

As soon as I get off the phone with Kim, Jamison calls.

“Hey,” I answer.

“Hey, doll. I just booked to come to Chicago next weekend. I’ll email you my flight confirmation.”

“Great.”

“I wish you would come out this weekend.”

“I know, me, too. But I need to figure out this situation at work. Half Dick has been all over me this week.”

“Quinn, why are you still putting up with this?”

“We’ve been over this. It’s my job.”

“I don’t understand why you’re fighting me on moving here. It’s like you prefer to spend the majority of your week doing something you hate.”

I get defensive. “I’m not fighting you. And you know that isn’t true.”

“Then, move. I’ve given you plenty of time to get used to the idea. Why can’t you choose us?”

“This isn’t about choosing us.”

“Really? It sure seems that way.”

“Have you had a bad day or something?”

The phone goes silent.

“Are you still there?”

“Yes. I’m sorry. I miss you. I hate being away from you. I want you with me. I feel like we’re in limbo, waiting for our life to start.”

My heart aches. What he’s saying I feel, too. I don’t know why I can’t take this plunge when I love him and want to be with him.

“Jamison, I love you. I’m figuring this out. Please, just give me more time to work on this.”

“Okay, doll. I’m sorry for pressuring you, but it’s killing me being away from you all the time. If I could move to Chicago, I would, but I can’t with the business right now.”

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