Page 28 of Judge Me Not

Me:Yep.

I cringe inside. I've come to hate the holidays. Abby asked when we were getting a tree this year, and I made up a lie and told her there weren't a lot of trees available this year, so I wasn't sure if we would get one or not.

All Christmas does is remind me how much I'm failing at everything.

Bree from Bergdorf's hands me a pair of six-inch stilettos. They have crystals on the heels. "These are perfect!"

"Am I going to be able to walk in those?"

She circles her hand from behind her back and reveals a matching pair but with four-inch ones. "These better?"

A bit of relief surges through me. I'm still worried but not as much. I used to wear shoes like this. Well, not as expensive, but when I was younger, I lived in high heels. "Yes, thank you." I take them and slide them on.

Bree has me stand on the platform. A seamstress comes out and pins the bottom. Bree assures me, "We'll have this hemmed and delivered to Mr. Ash's home before five."

"Wow. Okay. Thank you."

"What about jewelry?"

I try to push the thought about how the cost of everything could be another payment toward Abby's treatment.

It's not coming out of your wage. Deal with it.

"I'm good. Just the dress and shoes, please."

Bree purses her lips. "Are you sure? We have several—"

"Yes. I'm sure. Just the dress and shoes, please." My voice is harsh, and I cringe inside when Bree winces. But I don't apologize. I need to get out of here. The amount of wasted money on this outfit when it could be paying for better things eats at me.

She nods. "Okay."

I leave and go to the salon. It, too, is somewhere I would never normally go. It's huge and also has spa services. When I check in, the woman has me fill out all sorts of waivers.

"This seems extreme for hair and makeup," I mutter.

She laughs. "Did Mr. Ash not tell you what he booked you for?"

"I'm assuming hair and makeup for the event we're going to tonight."

Her smile widens, and her eyes light up. "No. You get everything."

Dread fills me. "Everything?"

"Yes. Well, not the facial. I talked Mr. Ash out of it when he said you had an event tonight." She leans forward. "You know men. They don't understand the intricacies of facials and downtime."

Downtime?I have no idea what she's talking about, but I nod. "So, what am I booked for?"

"A ninety-minute massage, mud bath, full-body wax"— she waves her hand in front of her and whispers like it's a secret—"he left that at our discretion." She winks. "A pedicure, manicure, and your hair and makeup."

I gape at her.

I'm away from my child, who might be sick, so I can spend the day getting plucked and groomed so I'm acceptable for him.

So much for his declaration that I'm perfect how I am.

"Susie will take you to the locker room."

I go through the motions and text Cee Cee after I get my robe on.

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