Page 134 of Depths of Destruction
"Ezra's isn't. That's my fault."
"It's not," I insist.
She scrunches her face. "Let's change the subject. You don't understand."
"Of course I understand."
"You couldn't." She walks out of the bedroom.
I follow. "Why is that?"
"You're desensitized to death."
I'm...
The pit in my stomach grows. "Why would you say that?"
She opens the fridge and stares at the contents. "I'm not judging you. It's what you do."
"Sounds like you're judging me."
"I'm not."
I cross my arms and wait for her to turn.
Several minutes pass. She keeps the door open but doesn't take anything out.
Every second she doesn't face me forces me to revisit my moral fibers.
My job is to rid the world of evil. I don't often sit back and think about what I do. Years ago, I chose a path. It involves defending what is right and eradicating what is wrong. I don't apologize for it or question it.
And religion may preach it's a sin to kill, but wars over beliefs have killed more men than any political war. So, I don't have any issues looking at myself in the mirror and being proud of the person I am and the things I've done. But Naomi may think differently about what I do and who I am. Until this moment, it never occurred to me she may believe something that puts me in a bad light.
And my insides quiver with fear that she does.
She finally faces me. Her eyes have something in them I've not seen before. I don't know what it is, and it scares me even more.
The lump in my throat is thick, and I swallow, but it seems to grow. "I've killed too many men to count. I understand war and know death. The depths of destruction doesn’t have rules, codes, or laws for a reason. It's a pit of sin and evil. Once you've stepped foot in it, there's no way to forget what you've done or seen. And the stamp it brands on you changes everything you once believed to be true."
Her lip quivers and eyes glisten. She whispers, "I know."
"You don't know. You're an angel of perfection. And I don't want you to know."
"But I do. I made a choice and went into the pit. Now everything and everyone around me has paid for it. Emilia is missing. Ezra and Darien are dead. And you...you..." She turns her head away.
My heart races. "I what? Am part of the destruction?"
She quickly turns back. "No. Why would you say that?"
"Isn't that what you're getting at? And I can't deny I'm a killer, nor do I have any remorse over what I do."
"But you kill to protect."
"I do." My stomach flips. "So what does that make me in your eyes?"
She reaches up and cups my face with trembling hands. "You're the type of person I want to become."
I place my hands around hers. "What do you mean?"
