Page 153 of Depths of Destruction
Emilia has had night terrors since the abuse, and when I would assure her it would one day get better and she wouldn't always have to relive her past, I believed it. But she always told me her biggest fear was it wouldn't go away and she was always going to have to relive every moment of her abuse. She said the mental anguish was worse than the physical. I always thought I understood, but I now realize I didn't know what she was talking about. And I wish I could go back to a time of ignorance.
"For me, it comes and goes. It made my last tour more challenging. But my struggles don't mean you will always have to deal with this."
"It doesn't?"
He shakes his head. "No. I have plenty of friends who no longer have issues."
"Is it PTSD you have?"
"Yes."
"Andre thinks I have PTSD. He keeps trying to talk to me about it."
"What do you think?"
I blink hard. I quietly admit, "I don't want there to be something permanently wrong with me. My sister had some bad things happen to her when she was younger and she has issues similar to what I now have. I see how much she struggles. I don't want that to be something I have as well."
Blaise nods again.
"No offense," I quickly add.
He snorts. "You'll have to do a lot more than that to offend me." He drinks his coffee. "What else are you scared of?"
My pulse increases. "I... I'm not the same woman Andre met." A tear slips down my cheek, and I turn and wipe it away.
"You want the real truth?"
I sniffle and nod.
"You are, and you aren't. But he's not the same, either. You can't experience what you went through and come out unscathed. But that doesn't mean you aren't the same person, either. You're still in there."
"I don't feel like I am. I used to be independent, and half the time, I'm gripping Andre's arm in a panic since everything happened."
"You are the same person. You just need to be a little patient and give it time."
"Andre keeps telling me to give it time."
"He's right. He's been through it. It took him a while to recover when he went through things."
"What things?"
Blaise's jaw clenches.
"He told me he had nightmares for a while and every now and then they sneak up on him." I admit, assuming it's okay to talk to Blaise since he's Andre's brother.
"That's right."
"What happened?"
He sips his coffee then taps the mug. "I can't get into all the details, but it was his last tour. They went out on a mission like any normal day. But he and Kalim were the only guys to return."
The hairs on my arms stand up. "That must have been horrible for him."
"Yeah. He was the one in charge, and Kalim was in bad shape. It took him almost a year until he could hold a gun again."
Poor Andre.
And I accused him of being desensitized to death. Ugh.
