Page 117 of Stains of Desire
I blink hard. My lungs are a balloon filled with air but tied so nothing can escape. I choke out, "I won't let anything happen to you. And I promise I'll rescue Millie."
Tick. Tick. Tick.
She cups my face. It's the first time she's touched me in days. Her touch is electrifying, as always, and bittersweet pain from its absence comes with it.
There's a resilience in her eyes I've not seen before. I should feel hopeful her blank stare isn't present, but it only serves to worry me more.
"Do you love me?"
I've never put it in words before. In forty-three years, I've never loved any woman. It's not that I didn't want to find it. I often wondered if it wasn't in the cards for me. There was never a connection with anyone I dated. Even the woman I spent five years with, I never declared my love for, which is why she broke it off with me. She said it once when we had been together for about six months. I didn't respond. I should have ended it there but continued to date her. She never repeated it. After five years, she demanded I tell her I loved her and wanted to get married. But I couldn't. I liked her a lot and enjoyed our relationship, but I wasn't in love with her. After realizing the pain I put her through, I stopped dating any woman when the topic of love or marriage came up. Not because I didn't want it or was afraid of it but because I didn't feel it and wasn't going to lie to them.
There isn't a bone in my body doubting how I feel for Penelope. Without hesitation, I say, "I do. I love you more than anything. And I need you to come back to me, green eyes."
She straddles me. "I need you to promise me on our love. Millie gets chosen over me. Make an oath to me. I won't ever ask you for anything else. But I need your word."
"It won't—"
She puts her fingers over my lips. "You're a man of honor. If you pledge something, you follow through. I know this about you. And I love you for it and everything else you are. So that's why I need your vow. Right now. Right here."
I swallow hard, staring into her eyes, trying to figure out how to reassure her that it will never come to this, but she's so convinced it'll happen. For the first time since meeting her, I fear I may have to choose.
"When you rescue Millie, you're choosing me. Don't hesitate. Don't feel bad. Don't question whatever you have to do to get my daughter to safety."
I blink hard. She caresses my cheeks. "Pledge to me right now."
I inhale deeply and nod, clenching my jaw. "Okay. I promise you. If I have to choose between you and Millie, I'll save Millie." A knife tears at my heart as I say it.
A calmness sweeps over her face. Her tears flow, but she smiles, then brushes her lips to mine.
Tick. Tick. Tick.
I greedily kiss her back, taking anything she'll give me, trying to push away the scenarios spiraling in my mind.
My vow is my truth. It's the badge of honor I live by. And my love for her won't ever allow me to break a promise to her. But if it comes to saving her or Millie, I'm not sure how I'll survive.
The oath I took to rescue those who can't save themselves has a premise. You always choose the ones who are more vulnerable. They have less of an option to survive than anyone stronger.
In theory, she shouldn't have to make me declare this. I've already done so. But I did it before I ever set eyes on her, or held her, or fell in love with her.
I hold her head firmly. "I need you to come back to me, green eyes. I can't do this without you."
Understanding moves into her expression. "Okay. I'm sorry."
"No sorries. I need you to rest, eat, stay hydrated, and take some vitamins. Can you do that for me...for Millie?"
She sniffles. "All right."
I kiss her again. It feels like a homecoming, and it hits me how hard not having her with me has been. I've been a plant needing water, wilting from the lack of her presence.
She pulls back. "I think I need a shower."
I hold up her arm and sniff her armpit. "You've smelled worse."
She softly laughs, and it's a sound I feared I would never hear again. "I should be mortified right now."
I push her hair behind her ear. "Don't be."
She opens her mouth to speak then shuts it.
