Page 124 of Fake Love

Three words that I should be happy to hear, but I’m not. Those three little words don’t feel like enough.

“Not good enough.” I say, shaking my head in the process.

from the look on his face, he wasn’t expecting that response. He was waiting for me to take his apology and that everything would go back to being good.

That’s not even close to what’s going to happen.

“What do you mean it’s not good enough?” He ask finally putting down the bottle of whiskey and standing up. His footing is unstable but he is able to find some balance.

“Exactly what I said. That apology isn’t good enough.”

Now he looks like he’s pissed off, what with the frustrated sigh he lets out. “What else do you want me to say, Jennifer? Dante already lectured me about this. I know what I did was wrong. I’m sorry.”

“It’s not just about your words, Maddox. It’s also your actions. This is life, bad news is around every corner, it's unexpected. You said you're sorry, but those are just words. Those words aren’t going to stop you from going out and looking for a hit.”

Maddox’s face is unreadable, nothing about his expression or even the way he’s standing is telling me what he might be thinking.

He doesn’t say anything so I continue. My voice filled with less anger. “I don’t want you to say anything, I want you to do. Do something that stops this from happening again.”

Again, I’m met with silence. I don’t even know if what I’m saying is even getting through to him. It's as if he’s looking at me but staring into space at the same time.

Eventually though he speaks. “Dante said the same thing. That I need to do the work. Recovery isn’t just rehab.”

I’m liking the mafia man more and more.

“He’s right, it's not. You need to work at it. Now the question is are you going to do it, because I don’t know if I can go through you disappearing again and thinking that you’re out getting high and going to end up dead.”

Just thinking about it makes me want to cry.

When I got the call from Dante, for a split second after he told me that Maddox was with him, I thought the worst possible. I thought that he was in the hospital or worse yet at the coroner's office waiting to be identified.

My head automatically went to all the worst case scenarios that it took me a second to control myself when he finally told me that he was fine.

Maddox notices that I’m on the verge of tears because he takes a step towards me with a hand reaching for me, but he stops himself.

He thinks that I’m so pissed off at him that touching me wouldn’t be a good idea.

It’s actually the opposite though. I would give anything to have his arms wrapped around me right about now.

“Would you walk away? If it happened again. If I disappeared and Dante wasn’t there to stop me from getting my hands on the drugs, would you walk away?”

I hate that he even has to ask that.

I hate the pain that came out as those words spilled out from his mouth.

And I hate that I’m going to cause even more pain with my answer.

I want to say no, I wouldn’t walk. That I would stay by his side through everything. But with something like this, I have to think about myself too.

“Yes,” I say, tears spilling down my face. “Yes, I would walk away.”

I can see the pain in his eyes right away. I hurt him by saying that, but if I had to say it.

He gives me a nod. “I guess I can’t fault you for that.”

“I can’t sit around and watch you throw your life away, Maddox. I’ve seen all the work that you’ve done these last few months and it’s amazing. If you have a choice of keeping it that way, but you have to do the work to do so. I don’t want to walk away, but if you don’t give me another choice, I will”

“Why?” he asks.

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