Page 125 of Fake Love

It’s a simple question, but it’s enough to break me.

“Because I love you, you asshole. I don’t want to see the man I love become nothing. I’ve heard what it was like last year, and I know for a fact that I wouldn’t be able to go through that. It will hurt and I will be completely shattered to walk away, but I swear to god Maddox, I will.”

Maddox stands there in silence, looking at me like he can’t believe what I just said, and frankly, I can’t either.

This it’s not how I wanted to tell him.

I always had this image in my head that I was going to tell him I loved him while we were in bed. While our legs were intertwined and our lips were mere inches from each other.

But I guess telling him now is better than not telling him at all.

“Meetings don’t seem like enough,” he mutters, his voice shaking a bit.

“Then use me. Let me be your anchor when you have thoughts about using. Hug me, kiss me, be with me, talk to me. Go to meetings and use me to help you get through the tough shit. Don’t just walk away and sink into the need because things don’t go the way you want or you hear something that you don’t want to hear. I’m here for you, your mom is here for you, hell it looks like Dante is here for you. You just need to be here for yourself.”

In all the time that I have known him, I never seen Maddox broken. I’ve seen him nervous, excited, angry, sadden, but never broken. Until now.

Seeing tears form in his eyes, shatters everything in me.

Breaking the distance between us, I walk over to him and place a hand on his cheek just as a tear escapes “If I lose my mom, I won’t be able to handle losing you too,” he whispers.

I place my other hand on the other side of his face, making sure he is looking right into my eyes.

“Nora isn’t going anywhere. Not anytime soon.” I say to him with all the conviction that I have.

“You don’t know that.”

“You told me once that you had to channel your mom’s hopefulness because she wouldn’t. Where did that go?” I ask, wiping away the tears that continue to flow out of his eyes.

“It disappeared when I heard there was a new tumor.”

“Then let me hold onto it for both of you. Let me believe that Nora will be here for a long time and you will do the work to make your recovery better.”

I lean up and place a chaste kiss against his lips, silently telling him I’m not going anywhere for the moment. I won’t go anywhere at all of this all goes how I think it will.

When I pull away from him, he looks down at me with glassy eyes.

“Did you mean those words earlier? The ones about love?”

I nod. “I did. I’ve felt them for a while but I didn’t know how to get them out.”

One of his hands reaches up and wipes at my cheek. It takes me a second to realize that I’m still crying.

“We were never supposed to fall for each other, let alone say those three words,” he says, the shakiness gone from his voice.

I give home a nod. “I know.”

“Things between us were fake and they were for a few weeks, but everything has been real for a lot longer.” He pauses, wiping a finger against my cheek. “So real that it has gotten to the point that I don’t want to go a day without you. So real that I love you in a way I have never loved anyone before and certainly never will. You, Jennifer Zaragoza are the love of my life and I will do everything in my power to keep you in it. I will do all the work that I have to make you stay. I will do the work for you, for my mom and for me. I promise.”

His fingers ghost against my lips.

He’s silently asking for forgiveness and this time around, I will give it to him.

“I know you will and as long as you do, I will be right by your side.”

He nods, accepting it. “I love you, sweetheart, so damn much.”

“I love you too.”

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