Page 36 of Fake Love

“Didn’t you just sign with the team?” She says, dipping a fry in ketchup. Who eats garlic fries with ketchup?

“I did.”

“And didn’t the season just start?”

“It did.”

“Then how are you already suspended?”

I look over at her but she’s paying more attention to her fires than she is to me or the game. I’m making it my mission to make this girl a baseball fan by the end of the season.

“You didn’t look me up, did you?” I ask. After we agreed to meet at the park, I told her that she should look me up so that she knows what she is getting herself into.

Jen shrugs, finally meeting my gaze. “I figured if I were to learn about you, I’d rather you tell me than Google.”

I think I like this girl more and more.

“I’ve been suspended since august because of a dirty drug test. Ninety games in total since it was my second offense. The suspension rolls over no matter what team I’m on.”

Her eyes get a slight bit of concern in them. “Second offense? You’ve failed more than one drug test before?”

I’ve told her about eighty percent of what I’ve been through, will she still want to do this when I tell her everything else?

With a nod, I tell her. “My mom’s diagnosis came in April, early May and it didn’t take long for me to spiral. A couple of days tops and being a professional athlete in your hometown opens doors so it wasn’t hard for me to get my hands on drugs. Failed my first test in June, got suspended for ten games. I was told not to do it again, and I didn’t listen. Then in August I had another test, and of course that one came back dirty, so I got a fine and 90 games.”

Jen looks as if she is taking everything in and really thinking about her words before saying anything.

“What happens if you test positive again?”

I won’t, I want to say. I want to tell her that I will never touch another drug in my life, that I will never fail another drug test. But what if something happens that pushes me over the edge.

A drug addict is always a drug addict, right?

“Full season suspension, no spring training or post season and a major fine on top of it. If it happens a fourth time, well, it’s bye-bye baseball. A fourth time is a complete MLB ban.”

Getting a lifetime ban in this game is a rare feat but it has happened. From what I can remember the most recent one came about six years ago with a player in New York.

Jen goes quiet and after a few seconds of watching me, she turns back to giving her full attention to her fries before moving to the game.

As she watches the game, though, I take a few seconds to watch her. I take in every single inch of her profile as if she were an art piece I’m seeing for the first time.

Her hair is in a high ponytail, with small pieces of hair falling from it, framing her face perfectly. Her eyelashes are long and her nose is peppered with freckles that you can only see if you get a good look at her.

She may be wearing a simple white tee and jeans, but she looks like she’s in her element. Like she belongs here. Belongs in a baseball stadium, eating garlic fries, cheering on her favorite team, her favorite player.

Cheering me on.

“Was it only cocaine that was your kryptonite?” Jen asks, moving my concentration away from her profile and thoughts of possibilities.

“Does it matter?”

She shrugs, not looking up at me. “If we’re going to do this, I need to know what might trigger a relapse. I take edibles every now and then so I need to know if that has to stop too.”

She’s looking out for me. She’s willing to stop something that she does in her own time, because of me.

“It started with marijuana, then opioids. Quickly moved to ecstasy and then finally ended with cocaine. It's the one that made me forget the most.”

I get a nod from her and she goes back to watching the game.

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