“A number of things. Should I list them?” His face is stoic, and if I look hard enough I can see the rage in his eyes. Rage directed at me. “That you can give two shits about your career. That you cared more about your next high than doing your job. That the only reason you are passing your drug tests now is because you’re paying off the person administering the test.”
That last one is one I have yet to hear. Good to know that people are still trash talking about me.
I bow my head, trying to compose myself as best as I can, so that when I respond it's controlled and not filled with the anger brewing inside of me.
“And do you believe these things?” I ask, my voice not yet composed and my jaw ticking in the process.
Javier is silent for a minute, a long one at that. When I look up again, I see that he’s not looking at me but toward where Jen and Dana are.
“Can you blame me if I do? If you were any other man, I wouldn’t give two shits about what you did with your life, but you're not. You are the man that my daughter brought home for us to meet. A man that is currently taking space in her life. I have to believe all the stuff I read and hear until I see with my own eyes that they are false. Right now all that I see is someone undeserving of her. Show me. Prove to me that they are wrong.”
Isn’t that what I’ve been trying to do since Jen and I started this whole fake relationship?
Haven’t I been trying to prove to baseball fans all over that I’m still the baseball player that I once was?
Haven’t I been trying to prove to the team that picked me up when my old team gave up on me that their investment is well worth it?
Ever since I got out of rehab and left Utah, I’ve been trying my damn hardest to show people that the man that I was last year wasn’t me. That the baseball player that cared more about his next hit instead of his game, isn't me.
But I guess everything that I’ve been doing hasn’t been enough.
I shouldn’t care that Javier, a man I just met, believes that I’m the man that tabloid and gossip sites say that I am. But I do.
Because of her.
Because he’s Jen's dad and I care about.
I care about his daughter more than he can comprehend.
I care about her that I’m at the point that I know that when we end things at the end of the season, I will be lost without her.
She’s my constant and I’m already in too deep to give her up.
And I have to show him that.
Javier just moved to the top of the list of people that I have to show that I am worth.
Worthy of being a baseball player.
Worthy to be a good asset to the team.
Worthy of being with Jen, even if it's for a limited time.
I meet his stare straight on, not backing down from anything. “Then let me show you. Let me show you that the man you read about, isn’t me. Yes, I did drugs and I let them drag me down for my own reasons, but that isn’t me anymore. That isn’t who I am with your daughter.”
“And how do you plan on showing me?” Now it's Javier’s turn to meet my stare straight on.
“I don’t know,” I answer her truthfully. “I don’t know how I’m going to prove it, but I will. I will prove to you that I’m not that man, and I will never be that man when your daughter is concerned. When it comes to her, I will be better.”
The stare down between us continues.
This is definitely not something that should be happening in the middle of an aquarium while there are strangers walking by every five seconds yet here we are.
“Bueno, I look forward to seeing it. I hope for my daughter's sake that you are right.”
I do too.
I really do because as Javier walks away to join Dana and Jen again, I realize that without many words, I told him what his daughter means to me. Something that I have yet to tell Jen.