Page 83 of Fake Love

Those three words can quickly change into something completely different and my brain is telling me every chance it gets.

Which is why my leg is currently bouncing while I sit in the dugout waiting for the game to start so I can take my place on the mound.

Today is the day that I’ve been waiting for since my suspension last August. Today is the day that I’m starting in my first baseball game as a major league player.

I should be relaxed and in the zone, but instead my mind is working in overdrive and every inch of my body is on high alert.

And most definitely not in the fucking zone.

I knew the second I got up this morning that I was definitely not ready to pitch today. Once I knew I should have gone to Ben, to our pitching coach and told them to put someone else in, but of course I’m a glutton for punishment and now I’m here.

It’s a good thing we’re in Chicago because then if my game is off they can say that getting rid of me was a good idea.

There will be boos being heard today, that is for sure.

At the very least, my mom and Jen are here to see me possibly pitch the worst game of my life.

Don’t think that way, you will go out there and pitch a clean game.

Let’s hope my mind is right about that.

I’m tying up my cleats when Aaron and sits next to me, looking as relaxed as I should be feeling.

Yeah, he’s relaxed the stupid bastard doesn’t have to pitch today.

“You ready?” He asks , a smile on his face.

I want to snarl at him, tell to fuck off, but I don’t. Just because I’m having an internal panic episode doesn’t mean I can take it out on the man that has not only treated me like a teammate but as a friend these last few months.

So I give him a nod. “As ready as I will ever be.”

“This is your old stomping grounds, you know that mound better than anyone. Don’t think about the people on the stands and just think about how the ball leaves your hand. You pitch and the team will do the rest. We got your back.”

A clap lands on my back as I take in Aaron’s words.

I might have not told him about all the doubt I was feeling today, but in a way he knew.

He knew and came over to bring me down from the anxiety train that I was riding.

Maybe if Aaron was my teammate last year, I wouldn’t have gone down the hole that I did.

“Thanks, man.” I say to him, a part of me relaxing a bit knowing that he and the rest of the team have my back.

Aaron gives me a curt nod before standing up. “Let’s go put some runs on the board for you. Maybe then you won’t look like you’re about to cry.”

I try to trip the asshole as he walks by but he’s like a ninja and is able to avoid it. He just laughs as he grabs his glove and makes his way out of the clubhouse.

A few seconds later, I’m following right behind him with the mind trick still at play but not as prominent.

The starts off and like Aaron promised, the Miners are able to get two runs on the board.

We were able to hold the lead through my first three innings.

Were they good innings? More or less. Runners were able to get on the bases and I threw more than twenty-five pitches in the second, but Chicago wasn’t able to score.

That is until in the fifth, when Bobby Getz, a Chicago infielder that got called up earlier this year, was able to hit a home run off me.

After that, everything started to go to shit.

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