Page 124 of The Life We Almost Had

‘Thank you.’ I am touched by the thought they’ve put into the scrapbook, and appreciate how painful it must have been to make. Adam’s passing must have felt like losing a son to them. I hug them both tightly before tucking the scrapbook inside my tote bag, which is crammed with nappies, wipes, teething gel and all the other paraphernalia a tiny person needs to travel. In my suitcase is an envelope of photos of the adult Adam. The first stop on our trip is his parents’ house so they can meet Harry, and I can affirm what an amazing, special man their son grew into. It was always such a source of sadness to Adam that they’d drifted apart. On the phone they’d sounded delighted I’d be coming.

‘We regret… we regret lots of things,’ his mum had said. ‘We shouldn’t have missed your wedding, for one, but perhaps most of all we regret not flying over for the funeral. I’ll dig out Adam’s baby photos before you come.’

I can’t wait to see those but can already imagine them. I see Adam every time I look at Harry’s face.

‘I’ve something for you too.’ Josh looks uncertain as he holds out a box. Inside, a watch.

‘It looks like Adam’s old—’

‘It is.’

I take a sharp intake of breath, lifting it from the box. ‘But how?’ How on earth had Josh managed to trace Adam’s grandad’s watch that he’d sold to buy my engagement ring?

‘I’ve been looking on eBay for ages to try and find something similar for Harry and I found this. The engraving on the back saysLove will find a way. It’s the same one, Anna.’

Josh studies my expression while I turn it over, tracing the inscription with my finger as my eyes blur with tears, wishing I could bend and shape time. Wishing we’d had more of it.

‘I’m sorry, Anna. Have I upset—’

‘No.’ I look up and smile. ‘I’m glad you found it. I’m just a bit overcome.’

‘It’s such a coincidence,’ he says.

‘It’s a miracle,’ Nell says.

Another one, I think, looking at Harry, almost asleep against her shoulder.

From outside, the sound of a car horn. Chris picks up our luggage – we’re travelling light – and everyone bundles outside to wave goodbye and I promise them that I will see them soon, even though I know there are no certainties in life. All we can do is appreciate the here and now. I give everyone a hug and a kiss and I tell them that I love them because, although we always think there’ll be a next time, another chance, sometimes there just isn’t. I never put off doing anything I can do today. That’s why I’m not waiting until Harry is older to make this trip. God willing, there’ll be a chance for us to do it all over again, when he’ll remember it too.

On the way to the airport, Harry dozes, his long lashes dark against his pale skin. His arms clutching the Percy Parrot that Adam had chosen from him years before he ever came into being. Where his sleeve has ridden up, I see his birthmark. The map.

Again, I open the box Josh has given me and ease the watch from its velvet cushion before fastening it around my wrist. One day I’ll give it to Harry and tell him the incredible story behind it.

Behind us.

Love will find a way.

Ours wasn’t a typical love story, Adam, but it was our love story, and although I’m not yet ready for it to end,stillnot ready for it to end, in Harry I’ve found a new beginning as well as discovering the answer to my question: can love really be eternal? Of course it can – is there any other way?

Adam, this is my promise you: one day I shall tell Harry everything. I’ll teach him that sometimes you set something free and it comes back to you, and sometimes it can’t…

…no matter how much it longs to.

Chapter Eighty-Three

Adam

Anna, while you add Harry’s name to our love lock in Alircia, I am the gentle kiss of the ocean breeze on the back of your neck.

I am the whisper in the leaves as you traipse through Italian vineyards.

I am the golden sand that tickles Harry’s toes in Thailand, making him collapse into giggles.

The white feather that drifts into your yurt in Hawaii, that’s me.

As you sit in the mountains in Canada, gazing at the stars that twinkle in the sky, I want to tell you that your star still shines the brightest of them all, but I think you know that.

I hope you know that.

I am with you, Anna.

Always.

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