Page 15 of The Life We Almost Had

‘Can’t stand her. That’s why I spend all my time with her.’ I sniffed my red T-shirt underneath the arms before tossing it on the floor and pulling the last clean one from my case. I still hadn’t unpacked. The wardrobe stood empty, the floor strewn with clothes. We really were pigs.

‘I mean youlikeher.’

I waited for Josh to follow up with a sarcastic comment, but he didn’t.

I didn’t know what to say. He’d only take the piss if I told him that if I could, I’d give her everything, I’d unhook the moon. Unscrew the stars that didn’t shine as brightly as her. I’d give her the entire universe. If I could.

‘Yeah. She’s all right, I suppose,’ I said, lacing up my trainers.

‘Don’t fall in love, you big twat.’ He shoved me hard on the shoulder.

I didn’t tell him that I already had.

Anna was breathtaking in a long turquoise dress that floated around her ankles; ethereal and angelic and too good for me, a scruffy oik who hadn’t even packed a pair of trousers or shoes. No wonder Roxanne had berated me for my lack of fashion sense.

‘For old times’ sake.’ I tucked a pink bougainvillea into her hair. ‘Ready, Señorita.’ I crooked my arm and she tucked hers through mine.

We split the bill after too much paella and Limoncello and plum tart – our final dinner mirroring our first. Anna always insisted on paying her own way. While she used the bathroom in the restaurant, I bought a bottle of house red and the waiter threw in two plastic cups.

Anna linked her arm through mine. We automatically headed towards the cove. We didn’t speak. It was the last time we would tread this route together and I wanted to savour every moment.

At the end of the walkway, Anna’s eyes flickered to the padlocks, the way they had every evening since our first.

‘I have something for you. For us.’ From my pocket I pulled out a lock and a marker pen.

‘A love lock!’ She looked at me uncertainly.

‘A friendship lock.’ Her face fell and I mentally kicked myself. ‘Anna, I…’

Don’t fall in love, you big twat.Josh had said. He was right. It was the wrong time for me. For her. Impractical.

Shit.

‘It’s a lovely thought, Adam.’ She took the lock from my hand. ‘To symbolize our… friendship. What should I put?’

‘How about just “Adam & Anna”?’ Our names fit together like pieces of a puzzle.

Anna took her time, writing in cursive script, before clipping the lock onto the chain.

‘Adam…’ Her eyes met mine. They glistened with tears.

I felt helpless. Useless.

‘Anna, I…’ I stroked her cheek with the back of my fingers. She gave a tiny shake of her head before forcing a smile.

‘Last one onto the beach buys breakfast tomorrow at the airport.’ She sprinted away from me, leaving me fumbling with the wine and glasses before I could follow.

‘Hey, that’s not fair!’

Ahead of me, she laughed. The stretch of her arms, the vibrancy of her dress, reminded me of the bird I had unchained. For a nanosecond I contemplated leaving her there and then. Preserving this as my last memory of her. Happy and free.

Instead, I chased her. Making a production of swiping my hands towards her but each time letting her slip through my fingers.

Eventually, we flopped onto the damp sand. I unscrewed the bottle of wine and we raised a silent toast.

Unlike previous evenings we were quiet. It wasn’t the time for talking.

After we’d drained the bottle of wine, we flopped back on the sand. She rolled onto her side to face me. My thumb stroked hers and somehow that was enough. We didn’t make love. Not that time. We’d tried that on the beach and decided we were better off in the apartment.It really wasn’t as romantic as it looked in the movies. Sand gets everywhere, and I meaneverywhere. It was an experience neither of us were in any rush to repeat. We must have dozed because when we woke, the sky was turning from black to grey to pink. My eyes held hers, imparting all of the things I wanted her to know. All the things I couldn’t say.

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