Page 81 of The Life We Almost Had

‘I’m going to bring you back now, Anna.’ Panic bites. I want to remain in this make-believe world where the accident never happened, where our holiday continued without tragedy, I didn’t lose our baby and everything is as it would have been in the life we almost had.

Ten

I hold Adam’s hand tighter as though I can prevent the glue holding us together from becoming unstuck.

Nine

As though I can somehow prevent Oliver bringing me back.

Eight

Adam.

Seven

Anna?

Six

My lips press against his skin.

Five

I love you, I whisper.

Four

I love you too. He turns back to his book.

Three

Oliver, don’t make me leave him.

Two

Don’t bring me back.

One

The air is cooler as I am brought out of the scanner. The goggles are lifted from my face, the headphones from my ears. I twist my head to see Adam’s motionless body beside me.

I begin to cry.

It takes a few minutes for the dizzying sickness to pass and then I sit up. There’s a throbbing in my head. Blood streaking from my nose and Luis dabs at it with a tissue. Sofia presses a glass of water into my hand and I take a sip.

Oliver tries to be patient but he can’t help firing questions at me I am not yet ready to answer. I want to be alone. To hold the pictures that are fading too fast from my mind and cherish them.

Normal. It was all so normal.

Adam could have been drifting in his consciousness through Belgium,Italy, Thailand. All the places he’d dreamed he’d go. Instead he is at home with me. A child still on the way.

And we are happy. The version of us who are excited and hopeful and preparing to be parents.

On some level, in Adam’s mind, we are together and we are happy.

Chapter Forty-Five

Oliver

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