Page 111 of The Life We Almost Had

If I were to stir, Anna, then what? You’d spend the rest of your life caring for me and I’d spend the rest of my life not being able to tell you how I feel. You’ve lost the husband you had. But Harry… the son that shouldn’t exist and yet we have somehow brought into being, is a light shining in the darkness. Your guiding star, just as you are mine. It isn’t fair for you to be wrenched away from him time and time again. It is too painful to bear and it will be your ruin.

What I’m about to do is for you. Please forgive me.

Brief snatches of the life we almost had is too cruel. If I could find a way to give you it all, I would, but I can’t. But there’s something I can do for you.

If you love someone, set them free.

Remember, Anna?

For one last time, I wish I could take your hand in mine. Look deeply into your eyes and tell you that whenever things seem impossible, they aren’t.

There is always an ember of hope quietly smouldering if you know where to look.

There’s always a miracle waiting to happen.

Lovewillfind a way.

Chapter Seventy-Four

Anna

For the last time I allow my body to relax, my mind to fall. Adam’s hand in mine.

Instead of being in the UK, I find myself back in our apartment in Alircia.

Alone.

‘Adam?’ I’m hesitant. Suddenly afraid but unsure why. ‘Adam?’

Why aren’t we at home? Where is Harry?

Perhaps we are back on the island, celebrating an anniversary. Or Harry’s birthday? Despite hoping I will find Adam and Harry napping on the bed, I still enter the bedroom with a sense of unease. The hairs at the back of my neck prickling.

Something isn’t right.

The room is empty. White duvet pulled up over the pillows. I pull it back and touch the sheet with my hand. It’s cold.

‘Adam?’ His suitcase is on the floor, lid open. His clothes strewn around it haphazardly. I open a drawer; my shorts and tops are neatly folded. There are no baby things. No travel cot. My chest tightens as panic courses through me.

Where is Harry?

The longing to see my son is painful. I try to slow my breathing. Regulate my pulse. I can’t have Oliver bringing me back yet. The thought I might not get to say goodbye to my husband and child causes a crack to appear in my heart. Where are they?

The bathroom is empty but steam lingers from the shower. The scent of musky shower gel hanging in the air. He’s been here then, and recently.

In the kitchen, a pen and pad rest on the worktop. An address scrawled on the top page. Upper Harringdon. It’s a town about thirty miles away from our home in the UK. Adam is always chatting to the other hotel guests about football. Perhaps someone had given him their address to keep in touch, but that doesn’t explain where he is right now.

Another sheet of paper catches my eye; it’s stuck to the fridge with the ‘I love Alircia’ magnet.

Anna, meet me at Pacifico Beach and remember I LOVE YOU xxxxx

My anxiety increases, remembering the disaster that struck last time we were at Pacifico Beach. How could he possibly think I’d want to go there? How could he want to go there? But then I remember in Adam’s mind the accident never happened. He doesn’t know. But still, my nerves are jangling. Why are we here? Has his mind forgotten Harry? I just can’t figure out what’s going on.

A fierce desire to find my husband, my son, propels me out of the door.

My arms feel empty, my heart full of dread. Shockwaves travel up my shins while my sandal-clad feet pound the pavement. By the time I get to the beach, my sundress is plastered to my back with sweat.When I see what’s waiting for me, it’s like running into a wall. Shock slamming the breath from my body.

It’s exactly the same.

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