Page 13 of The Life We Almost Had

This is not a date.

I could have moved away, but I didn’t. Adam leaned forward and hesitated. Waiting for me to tell him to stop. To slow down. To speed up. But my objections, my desire, my logic and my desperate need to be touched were stuck in my throat.

His mouth feathered across mine and the world fell away. He tasted of sangria and kindness, and long after our kiss had ended, I kept my eyes closed to savour it. For one perfect moment I released my thoughts that whispered this was only temporary. That soon I’d have to let him go. That one day this would be packed away tightly in the memory box labelled ‘holiday romance’ – transient and meaningless.

Already, I didn’t want to be without him.

Chapter Six

Adam

Our time together had been a whirlwind. Since that first night on the beach when I’d kissed Anna, we had been inseparable. Josh and Nell were happy for us, they’d formed a friendship of their own so I was living out my very own romcom. We’d done all the touristy things: visited the volcano, the lava tunnel, the underground lake. We’d strolled hand in hand around the markets. We’d watched the sun rise and set. We’d talked about anything and everything, everything except the future. But more important than any of that, we’d laughed. Proper belly laughs that made my stomach muscles ache.

Every evening we’d eat together before retreating to the cove where we would lie on the sand, always touching. I loved that she was so tactile. Now, her leg was slung across mine, her fingers playing with the buttons on my shirt, her head on my shoulder. I told her about Roxanne. About the itch to travel the way my parents always had. Stories of when Josh and I were growing up and we’d made a hole in the fence between our gardens so we could slip through day or night, sharing comics and sweets. Later, cans of Strongbow and porn. She had laughed at that.

‘When I first met you and Josh, I didn’t get why you were friends – you both seemed so different – but I can see how much he means to you,’ she had said.

‘He’s family.’ I hadn’t told Anna about my parents, not wanting to evoke that look of pity, but we were almost at the end of our holiday and it seemed like the right time. ‘Nine years ago my parents moved to Australia.’

‘Without you?’ Her fingers tightened around mine. I could hardly bear to look at her face but when I did, I could see a desire to understand. Her eyes searching mine.

‘Yeah. Well, they wanted me to go with them. Dad’s family are from there and his dad wasn’t well. It’s too far to keep visiting so…’ I shrugged.

‘But you must have been only…’ Anna worked it out in her head. ‘Sixteen?’

‘Yeah.’

‘That’s so young. Why didn’t you go?’

‘I nearly did, but the thought of carrying on my education in a foreign country seemed so daunting. Josh suggested I move in with his family; I spent so much time there anyway. After endless conversations between my parents and Josh’s, it was decided I’d stay in the UK until I’d finished my A Levels, but after I’d left school I wanted to go to the same university as Josh. My parents were cold people, distant. I’d never felt that close to them. They’d settled because Mum was pregnant with me but before that they’d always travelled. I felt I had tied them down. Josh and his family… I… I just belonged there. They put up with me every single uni holiday and after I’d finished my degree… Honestly, who’d want to trade the grey skies and constant dampness that is the north of England for a blazing sun and a beach on your doorstep, right?’

‘Right.’ Anna trailed a finger over my wrist. ‘But now you and Josh have a flat together?’

‘Yeah, just a small one. Despite our degrees, neither of us have high-flying careers. Josh temps – he never wants to be tied to anything or anyone – and I’ve been so focused on going away I guess I haven’t really made the best of the time I’ve had here. You’re happy living with your mum though?’

‘I am, but moving back home at twenty-four feels like a backward step.’ Anna sighed.

‘Where does Nell live? Could you share with her?’

‘No. She rents a house with a couple of girls she works with. I don’t think I could keep up with them. My liver couldn’t anyway.’

‘She’s certainly giving Josh a run for his money. Where did you meet her?’

‘Ah. Now there’s a story. We met during our first few days at uni. She was the drunk girl in the loo,’ Anna said.

‘The what?’

‘You know. In a bar there’s always a drunk girl comforting a complete stranger in the toilets. Telling her she looks amazing. That sheisamazing. That the bastard who had made her cry isn’t worth her tears.’

I nodded although I didn’t know at all. It must be a girl thing. Still, it wasn’t hard to imagine Nell determined and vocal, flying the flag for female empowerment.

‘And that was your fiancé you were crying over?’ I asked.

‘Nah. He came later. I was crying over some random I’d met earlier that night who ended up snogging the face off of someone else. I was a bit drunk. A lot drunk. Fresher’s week.’ Anna shuddered.

‘I’d like to snog the face off you.’ I dove on her, covering her face in wet kisses, while she shrieked in mock disgust.

I replayed the highlights of our time together while I showered and dressed that last morning. Whatever angle I looked at it from, Anna was my perfect woman and tomorrow she was leaving. We both were.

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