Page 48 of The Life We Almost Had

Comfortable.

That’s what they had said about my dad after he had had his heart attack and then they had sent Mum home to rest. He had died four hours later, alone.

The nurse slowed, stopped outside of a door.

‘This is our intensive care unit. Anna, don’t be frightened when you see him.’

If I had been scared before, now I was terrified.

She gestured for me to go in first. Tentatively I stepped inside. Greeted with the sight of Adam, I stumbled backwards, treading on her toes.

‘It’s okay.’ She rubbed my arm. My hands were clasped over my mouth.

But it wasn’t okay. It wasn’t okay at all.

Chapter Twenty-Eight

Anna

There he was – Adam – unrecognizable and yet familiar. Under a startling amount of wires and tubes he was still. Silent.

‘I know it looks scary, but everything in here is for Adam’s good.’ The nurse kept one hand on my arm. ‘That’s the ventilator.’ She pointed to a machine. ‘It’s keeping oxygen circulating through Adam’s bloodstream.’

‘It’s breathing for him? Can’t… can’t he…’

‘The doctor will talk to you as soon as he can. That’s the vital signs monitor.’

‘Why isn’t it beeping?’ I had watched my fair share of medical dramas. It was so quiet.

‘Adam won’t be left alone so the monitors are silenced. An alarm will sound if the readings fall outside of the set parameters.’

If.

‘Adam also has a catheter, and that,’ she pointed to a tube, ‘is a CVP – a Central Venous Pressure line…’ I couldn’t focus on what she was saying. I couldn’t tear my eyes away from Adam, willing him to move. Open his eyes.

He didn’t.

The door opened and a man with dark bushy eyebrows and a solemn face stepped inside. A man who could make or break my future.

‘Mrs Curtis.’ He held out a hand. ‘I’m Dr Acevedo.’ His English was perfect. ‘We’ve carried out some tests on your husband—’

‘What sort of tests?’

‘A CT scan of Adam’s head, chest x-rays and bloods. The CT scan indicates some internal bleeding in the brain. If someone has bleeding in the brain this can lead to increased pressure, so the main priority is to reduce the pressure from rising anymore. We’ve sedated and ventilated Adam because this can help to prevent the pressure rising, but it isn’t guaranteed.’

‘But what do you think? He will be okay?’

‘Mrs Curtis, it’s impossible to say at this stage. What we know is Adam sustained a head injury and was underwater for more time than we’d like. The brain was starved of oxygen for several minutes. It’s unclear whether Adam will have suffered any permanent damage. We’re doing all we can.’

‘So…’

Permanent damage.

I had never felt so overwhelmed.

‘But even if he… hewillbe okay?’ I was asking the impossible. ‘He’s young, and he’s fit and—’ Words fell from my mouth in a jumble. If I could just convince the doctor that Adam shouldn’t be here, then he wouldn’t have to be. I laid my trump card, ‘He’s going to be a dad,’ hoping it was the thing that would make the difference. Make the doctor say, ‘Oh, okay then, I’ll bring him round.’ But he didn’t. ‘It’s impossible to predict at this stage.’He caught sight of my face. ‘I’m sorry. I know it’s not the news you wanted to hear. It’s probably best that you go back to your hotel and get some rest. Someone will be with your husband at all times.’

‘I think… I think I’ll just sit here a while if that’s okay?’

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