Page 89 of The Life We Almost Had

‘How so?’

‘This is Adam’s consciousness. Adam’s dream as it were. How can it be that he’s thinking of the exact same thing I’d just discussed with her that morning?’

‘The way they connect must give her a degree of influence and their bond means she is more of a participant than, say, I would be.’

‘Are you positive that’s what’s happening? That this is Adam’s consciousness, not Anna’s imagination?’

‘No, but then that’s the point of a clinical trial. To establish patterns. Facts.’

‘If it’s Adam’s thoughts, how did Anna start off alone in the bath, without him there?’

‘We all have thoughts and dreams featuring other people and we’re not always present. Anna often has a bath. Adam could easily recall that, recreate that. It was sweet the way she was talking to the baby.’

‘Yes, the baby. She’s getting too attached. As we spoke, her hands were over her stomach as if she is really pregnant. She’ll be devastated when her part in the trial is over. It will be like the trauma of miscarriage again.’

Oliver is silent for a moment. ‘I don’t think I understood the implications on an emotional level of allowing Anna to take part in the trial. It seems cruel now to have allowed her to connect to Adam, to be with him again on some level, and then send them both back to the UK without access to the equipment. I like her. I’m not as detached as I should be.’ He runs his hand over his beard. ‘Have I messed up? Caused her irreversible trauma?’

‘I don’t know. This isn’t exactly a scenario we covered in my training but I’m not convinced your invention is doing what it should.’

‘What do you mean?’

‘I think possibly Anna is imagining how she would like things to be. That she hasn’t really connected to Adam at all. She wants a baby more than anything, and suddenly she’s pregnant again.’

‘They both want a baby. Don’t forget, Adam is unaware of the miscarriage; it’s not too much of a reach to think that he—’

‘So you believe it’s working?’

‘I believe that Anna believes it. I think so. I hope so.’

‘But you can’t be sure?’

Oliver removes his glasses and rubs his eyes. ‘No, I can’t be certain. I still can’t get the computer to record for a start. It’s one thing to capture still images from a person’s mind but the computer can’t cope with images that move at lightning speed the way the subconscious plays things out. I should have done the trial myself and then there’d be no question as to whether it was a success or not. But…’ He sighed and slipped his glasses back on.

‘Clem,’ Eva said softly.

‘I remember what it’s like. That waiting. Wondering. Anna reminds me a little of Clem. A little of myself. That makes it harder now.’

‘How so?’

‘Anna thinks she’s seen something amazing and I have to be the one to take that away from her.’ There’s a burning behind his eyes. He has approached this so very wrongly. He looks to Eva for answers but she doesn’t speak. ‘I think we need to stop. Figure out why the computer isn’t recording. Sofia is actively seeking out another suitable candidate. There’s a woman in St Barnabas’s Hospital we think is ideal. I’m going to talk to her next of kin. I’ll be the one taking part in the trial with the next participant.’

‘What about Anna?’

‘She’s going to take it hard.’

‘Of course, but it isn’t fair to let her carry on if it isn’t working. It’s a form of delusion almost.’ Eva taps her pen against her clipboard. ‘But then it doesn’t seem fair to pull her out of it, if it is working.’

‘That leaves us in a quandary. There’s no definitive way of knowing at this stage.’

‘Yes, there is. You’ll have to do the trial, Oliver. With Adam.’

Oliver pushes his glasses. ‘Even though Anna is against it?’

‘Especially because Anna is against it. Why doesn’t she want you to try it, Oliver? On some level does she know it’s all in her head?’

Oliver mulls this over. ‘You’re right. I’m going to give it a go myself. Let’s find out, one way or the other, whether it’s working the way Anna says it is.’

‘And if it isn’t?’ Eva asks.

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