Page 95 of The Life We Almost Had

Two

‘…baby—’

One

I am back.

Chapter Fifty-Two

Oliver

‘No!’ Anna shouts as Sofia tries to help her off the patient table. She wrestles to snatch the goggles back, her nose streaming with blood. ‘I have to know. Send me back. Send me back right now!’

‘Anna.’ Oliver hurries forward. Sofia steps back, rubbing her wrist while Anna glares at Oliver with pure hatred.

‘I understand that—’ he begins.

‘You don’t understandanything. I was just about to find out. One more second. Why couldn’t you have waited? One. More. Second.’

Oliver passes her a tissue. She presses it against her nostrils. Instantly, it turns crimson.

‘Anna, let’s go and talk.’

She shakes her head and winces at the movement.

‘Please come with me.’ He offers his hand to help her down. She brushes it away and Oliver is ashamed as he watches her struggle from the table, her face pinched with pain. He had lost sight of the unquestionable truth that love is something science can’t predict. Can’t control. How could he have been so stupid as to think this would be a nice experience for Anna, visiting Adam the way you would visit a friend?Happy to see them, okay to leave them. He thinks he has, perhaps, made a dreadful mistake.

‘Let’s get some air,’ he tells her.

They sit on a bench outside the Institute, facing the sea, watching the gulls soar and swoop. Listening to their call.

‘Seagulls mate for life,’ Oliver says. ‘They return to the same nesting space year after year. Every species wants to make a connection. To find their home.’

‘Adam’s my home.’ Anna raises a bottle of water to her lips and drinks.

‘I’m so sorry,’ Oliver says, taking her hand. She holds it. For a time they both stare into the distance. Oliver knows that Anna isn’t taking in the towering cliffs, the sunflower sun hanging high in the sky – all there is for her is Adam. He clears his throat. ‘There’s a percentage of the population who oppose scientific development, whether for religious or moral reasons. Those who believe that humans shouldn’t interfere with the natural order of things. It has always seemed so black and white to me. If there’s a disease we can find a cure for, why not create the necessary treatment? If a person needs blood, where’s the harm in transfusing someone else’s blood? I think… I think what’s right and wrong is subjective. I believed it was a good thing, creating the means so that those who couldn’t communicate, whether it be because of locked-in syndrome or a coma or something else entirely, would be able to share their thoughts and feelings. Express what they need. To take comfort in, to bring reassurance to their loved ones that they still… exist. It can be the cruellest thing when the body of someone you love is in front of you but their mind… their mind…’

‘Do you wish you hadn’t developed the technology?’ Anna still can’t look at him.

‘I don’t know.’ Oliver doesn’t know how he feels. What he should have done. What he should do now, moving forward.

‘Today…’ Anna slowly exhales. ‘Today, I had a baby.’ She turns to Oliver with tears in her eyes. ‘I might never fall pregnant again. I might never again experience how it feels to give birth. I might never feel that immense… intense love that was instant the second my child came into the world. I felt that today because of you. Thanks to you.’

‘No wonder you were so distressed when I brought you back.’

‘The midwife was just about to tell me whether it was a girl or a boy. Oliver, will I ever find out?’

‘I just don’t know.’ He expects her to push for a proper answer but instead she says, ‘I’m going to see Adam.’

Oliver watches her leave. There’s a stoop to her posture. A weariness. He stays on the bench. After a while Eva joins him.

‘In twenty-five years as a clinical psychologist I’ve assessed, diagnosed and treated so many emotional, behavioural and mental disorders. I’ve enabled patients to deal with chronic conditions. To cope under extreme pressure. This… this is something else entirely. I don’t feel equipped for it, Oliver.’

‘Me neither.’ It is the sad truth.

‘I’m afraid Anna will break if we carry on. I’m afraid Anna will break if we stop.’

‘Me too.’ What are they going to do? ‘She gave birth to a baby today—’

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