Page 106 of The Art of Loving You

‘And what’s caused this … thing?’ Mum was almost hysterical. ‘Is it because Libby’s been so upset over Jack?’

‘I had symptoms before I lost Jack.’ I remembered the day we moved into the house. My thumping headache. Dizziness. The exhaustion I experienced almost on a daily basis, even then.

‘We don’t yet know the cause although research is being carried out all the time.’

There was a tap at the door. A woman entered. Blonde hair in a chignon.

‘Libby …’ She stretched out her hand as she strode towards me. ‘I’m Charlotte, one of the neurosurgeons here. Mr Baxter asked me to pop in and see you.’ After she’d introduced herself to Mum she sat lightly on the edge of the desk.

‘I appreciate this is a shock for you both and a frightening time. We’ve seen your scans and we can’t be absolutely sure what it is at this stage but we are going to do the best we can to remove it.’

‘But that sounds so dangerous. Libby’sbrain,’ Mum was wringing her hands in her lap. ‘You don’t even know what it is and Mr Baxter said it could be benign. What if you left alone?’

‘Now Libby has experienced a seizure we want to remove what we can before she has further complications. There isn’t much room in the skull for anything other than the brain. Our priority at this stage is to remove it and then histology will help us understand what it is and what further treatment Libby might need.’

Surgery. Further treatment. It was all too much.

‘What’s the waiting list like?’ Mum was asking.

‘Things don’t always move this quickly but we’ve a space unexpectedly become free tomorrow.’

‘Become free …’ Mum covered her mouth with her hand.

‘Nobody died, sorry – badly worded.’ Charlotte leaned forward and briefly touched Mum’s arm. ‘The gentleman due for surgery has a really high temperature. We’ve postponed his op. Rest assured Libby is in safe hands. We’ll do absolutely everything we can to safely remove as much of the mass as we can and then we’ll take it from there.’

‘And afterwards? Libby will be herself again? She’s been acting so … odd lately. Looking back I knew it was more than grief. She …’ Mum patted my knee to take the sting out of her words. ‘She hit her sister.’

My face was hot with embarrassment. At least Mum hadn’t shared that Alice was pregnant.

‘And Alice is expecting.’

‘Acting out of character is definitely something a lot of patients experience. Were you aware it was your sister, Libby?’ She went on to explain, ‘With the location of Libby’s tumour she may have been having visual hallucinations.’

‘Hallucinations?’ My stomach lurched.

‘Seeing things that aren’t there. Of course not everybody will experience this but—’

‘Hallucinations can be caused by this …’ I press my hand hard against my skull. ‘This thing in my head?’

‘Yes. Some patients see or hear things that aren’t there. Tumours can also sometimes cause psychosis. Patients might experience things that are very real to them but—’

‘They aren’t really there,’ I said flatly.

‘Is there anything you want to talk about, Libby?’

Jack.

I began to cry.

Mum’s eyes locked on to mine. I could almost hear her mind whirring. The times I had talked to Jack. I gave an imperceptible shake of my head. I didn’t want to share. I didn’t want her to share. There was nothing to tell.

It wasn’t all in my mind.

Jack had come to me.

Delusions.

Jackhadcome to me.

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