Page 89 of The Art of Loving You

Alice was right about my moods being so up and down because, unfairly perhaps, I blamed Alice for his absence now too.

I waited for hours and hours for him to come back.

He didn’t.

Intermittently I googled extraordinary experiences, trying to find someone who had shared an encounter as detailed and as intricate as mine.

Had it been real? I just didn’t know.

‘Jack?’ There was a crack in my voice as I uttered his name.

But he didn’t come back.

I couldn’t see him.

Smell him.

Hear him.

Nothing. There was nothing.

It was late afternoon. I couldn’t bear the sound of my lonely footsteps against the floorboards any longer. I had raked everything over in my mind and theorised that Jack had only ever appeared after I’d returned home after an outing.

I had to get out for a walk.

On autopilot, my anxious feet carried me to the churchyard.

Noah was sitting on the bench. I hesitated, not feeling like company, but before I could retreat he spotted me, raised his hand in a wave.

‘Hello.’ I sat down next to him, leaving a gap between us, unsure what that moment we had shared at the house meant. If therehadeven been a moment or if that too was only in my head.

Had he wanted to kiss me?

‘How’s Liam?’ I asked.

‘He’s fine. I took him for a pizza yesterday. He’s not painting. He doesn’t have the space at home. He’s sharing a room now with his mum’s partner’s two kids.’

‘Did he tell you that?’

‘Yeah, not in a deep conversation kind of way but he lets things slip now and again.’

‘Because he trusts you.’

‘He trusts us.’

As he said ‘us’ a creep of heat warmed my face. My eyes met his but thankfully there was nothing in them to say he saw me as anything other than a friend.I allowed myself to relax a little. I’d become dependent on our friendship. I didn’t want it to change.

‘Three kids in a bedroom must be difficult in a flat so small.’

‘It sounds like he’s used to people coming and going from his life. He’ll be glad to get back to the house, some stability and structure. What have you been up to this week?’

I didn’t know where to start. ‘Falling out with my sister mainly.’

‘How come?’

‘I’ve accused her of something that wasn’t true and I wish I could unsay it but I can’t. She’s keeping the identity of the baby’s father secret and it’s hurtful. We used to share everything. I hate the thought of being deceived. My ex used to lie to me all the time and it makes me feel so worthless. Does that sound over-dramatic?’

‘No.’ Noah was choosing his words with care. ‘But with everything you’ve been through – we’ve been through – we know life is too short to hold a grudge. Alice wouldn’t have intentionally hurt you. I … I would never want to hurt you.’

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