Page 47 of The Art of Loving You

Feeling sick.

Tired.

Mood swings.

Was I pregnant?

Was I having Jack’s baby?

Alice carefully carried the brown envelope containing an image of her baby as though it was the most precious thing in the world, and to her, it was.

We were leaving the department as another couple were approaching it.

‘Alice,’ I hissed. ‘It’s Owen.’ There was my ex, his hand on the small of the back of a woman I assumed to be his wife or girlfriend, her hands cradling her bump.

With force, Alice pushed me in the opposite direction, linked her arm through mine and dragged me quickly around the corner.

‘Thank goodness he didn’t see us.’ I was shaken. ‘Who in their right mind would want to have a baby with that—’

‘People do change …’

‘Not him.’

‘Let’s just get home.’ Alice sounded weary. Anger increased the speed in my step. How could Owen still be here, be happy, when Jack wasn’t?

On the way back to the exit, we passed the hospital pharmacy.‘I’ll meet you in the car park,’ I told Alice. ‘I just need some migraine tablets.’

‘You’ve a headache again—’

I didn’t stop to answer her. I was already through the door, searching out the pregnancy testing kits.

I was scared. Confused.

Desperate to know.

At home I told Alice to go to Mum’s and tell her now she knew everything was okay with the baby, that she was pregnant. I wanted to be alone with my thoughts and my fears and my hopes and my dreams.

I dashed into the house. Tore open the packet which could contain my future, scanned the instructions. After I’d peed on the stick I replaced the cap and forced myself to walk away from it. I paced the landing, counting the seconds in my head.

One, two, three.

Please let it be positive.

Four, five six.

I’d give anything for Jack’s baby.

Seven, eight, nine.

Universe, let me have this one thing.

Ten.

Please, Please. Please.

Finally two minutes.

I walked slowly back into the bathroom. For a brief moment I imagined Jack was sitting on the edge of the bath, holding the test towards me, smiling the biggest smile but there was only me checking the test window on the stick.

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