Page 108 of From Now On

Nina sits at the opposite end of the bench; between them is the unspoken and the unexplained. She glares at the box with its ‘Wish You Were Here!’ postcard of the pier at Colesby Bay.

For a time, neither of them speak, watching the frothy trail of a speedboat as it slices through the water. Eventually, Nina asks, ‘What’s with the fudge, Charlie?’

‘Your dad used to buy me it all of the time.’

He doesn’t elaborate. In front of the railings that lead to the beach a woman raises her camera towards a seagull soaring through the brilliant blue sky. She shields the screen from the sun with her hand and smiles – the perfect shot – before looking around for something else to capture. What would she see if she aims her long lens at Nina and Charlie; strangers sitting awkwardly, together but not? A holidaymaker, souvenir sweets to take home to his family? A girl deep in thought, wondering what fun to have next? Or would she strip away the layers and see the boy trying to recapture the taste of his childhood, a girl who desperately wants to repair her cracked heart.A fractured family who want to come together, but don’t quite know how.

Charlie suddenly turns to her as though he’s made a decision. Nina sees the tears in his eyes.

‘That summer, when my mum met your dad. It was… well, it was a very confusing time for me. My own dad had… you know, and I was… scared, I think it’s fair to say. Scared that everyone in my life would leave me. That Mum and Bo would run away together or Bo would disappear and leave Mum broken-hearted. The way she looked at him… that love was something I had never seen before and I could see that, despite everything we had been through, he made her happy, was devoted to her, but I still had this constant, low-level anxiety. Fear of abandonment, my therapist said later. I wanted to protect Mum, be the man of the house, as it were.’ Charlie nods as though affirming to himself that, yes, this is the way it happened. ‘I cornered Bo when he was on his own and ordered him to leave us alone. I told him that I knew he’d hurt Mum and it was better if it ended now. He walked away and I remember feeling… relieved it was so easy to get rid of him but also devastated he had gone and it would just be me and Mum again. He came back few minutes later with a box just like this one.’ Charlie picked up the box on his lap and rattled it. ‘He asked “Do you know what this is?” “It’s fudge,” I replied. “It’s more than that. It’s a mistake. It’s thought to have originated when a confectioner ‘fudged’ a batch of caramels and this was the result, but you see, Charlie, it’s delicious, try a little.”’ Charlie offers the box to Nina and she takes a piece, letting its sweetness tingle her tongue. ‘Bo said. “Things that can seem like the worst mistake often, usually, work out for the best. Remember that, Charlie lad. I might seem like a bad decision for your mum but I adore her and,as long as she’s around, I’ll be around too. I promise.”’

Nina doesn’t look at Charlie; she can hear from his cracked voice he is crying.

‘And… and he was, around for as long as she was. Nina…’ Charlie shuffles up until he is sitting next to her, slipping one arm around her shoulders. ‘Sometimes I don’t know what I’m doing. I’ve made mistakes, I know. But if I had a choice whether I could go back to my own life or stay I would stay. I would choose you and Duke every single time. I do… I do choose you. We’ve all made mistakes but sometimes—’ he taps the lid of the box ‘—we just have to trust that things will work out.’ He reaches into his bag. ‘I have something for you. Well, it’s yours. Something you threw away.’ He hands her the wooden fish he had made for her all those years ago.

‘I’m here for you, Little Fish.’

Joy spreads through her. He remembers.

‘I trust you, Big Fish.’ She elbows him gently, placing the fish on her lap.

Their hands both reach for a piece of fudge at the same time, their fingers connecting, their hearts too.

It is almost noon by the time Charlie and Nina are ready to leave. The landlady hovers on the landing outside of their room, duster and polish in hand, vacuum cleaner propped against the banisters.

‘Do you think we’ll ever come back here?’ Nina asks.

‘To this B & B?’ Charlie chucks their bags into the boot.

‘To Colesby Bay.’

‘I don’t know. Perhaps. I always lose something when I come here, but then I find something too.’

Nina doesn’t ask Charlie what he’s lost and found this time. She hopes he’s referring to the tension that was between them, which has disappeared.

‘Home.’ She fiddles with the stereo once Charlie has started the engine, pairing her phone, choosing a playlist of seventies pop.

Charlie checks his watch. ‘We’ve seven hours before Duke’s talent show; we should make it.’

Nina thinks of her younger brother and the letter and the way he has adapted to everything. He was supposed to be the one who couldn’t cope with change and yet he has, far better than she has, adjusted to her constantly fluctuating world. She steals a glance at Charlie; he’s softly singing along to Bread’s ‘Everything I Own’. She has been unfair, telling him he can’t date. Unreasonable. He has given up so much for them already. She has used Duke as an excuse when what she was really worried about was herself. What might happen if Charlie fell for someone who she hated. If he fell in love with someone who wanted her own children. A life away from them, their home. But she can’t dictate love. She pictures Maeve the night they kissed, her cheeks flushed, hair glinting red under the light.

‘Charlie, about that earring,’ she begins.

‘It wasn’t what—’

‘Please. Let me say this. I don’t want you to be lonely. It isn’t fair to say you can’t date, but there must be rules.’

‘Rules?’ The corners of Charlie’s mouth twitch into a smile.

‘Don’t laugh. You can’t just bring randoms home.’

‘Randoms?’

‘You know. Women you pick up in pubs.’

Charlie laughs, ‘Nina. Seriously. I’m flattered you think I’d find it so easy to pick up women but—’

‘You managed it with Miss Rudd.Gina.’

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