Page 113 of From Now On

Loneliness is everywhere but he’s only noticing it now.

It’s a long drive. Country roads lead onto motorways, which lead to rutted tracks until at last, tired and hungry, he is there.

He knocks tentatively on the door. Holding his breath as it swings open. It’s not Pippa, but her mum.

‘Hello.’ He’s not sure if she remembers him. He hasn’t met her many times over the years. ‘I’m—’

‘Charlie.’ She sighs. ‘You’d better come in.’

She shows him into the kitchen and then leads him to the lounge. ‘Follow me.’ They trudge upstairs.

‘You have a lovely home,’ Charlie says but he’s confused. He isn’t here for a tour. She shows him the master bedroom, the study and then the spare room. The neatly made bed and the empty wardrobe and then he understands.

‘She didn’t come here?’

‘No. She’s not going to either. She’s gone to “find herself”, whatever that means.’

‘If she calls—’

‘She’s had her mobile disconnected.’

‘I know. I’ve been trying to ring her. But if she calls can you tell her to contact me? Tell her that I’m sorry.’

Pippa’s mum nods, once, and Charlie trudges back to his car.

Behind him he doesn’t hear the door slam but senses it gently close.

He wonders where to go, where she could be. The world is a big place and it’s impossible to guess. His only hope is that wherever she is, she’s happy.

He makes the long journey home, tears trickling down his cheeks.

He doesn’t wipe them away.

At home, Aunt Violet greets him with a sympathetic smile and a hot meal. It’s later, after she’s left and Duke has gone to bed, that he’s alone with Nina.

He pours his heart out to her and then her to him. She tentatively tells him of her plan for tomorrow, asks him what he thinks. He hugs her tightly.

Proudly.

Chapter Fifty-Four

Nina

There are many different kinds of love. The romantic, all-consuming I’d-actually-die-if-I-can’t be-with-you kind, and the security of you’re-my-best-friend-and-we’ll-always-have-each-other’s-backs type. Nina feels both of these for Maeve.

She waits for her now as she has a thousand times in the past but this time her stomach trembles with nerves. She has no idea from the scant texts they have exchanged what Maeve is thinking and this is new and uncomfortable. Ever since she was five she hasknownMaeve, every look, every expression. Has been able to read between the lines of her messages, recognizing instinctively a hidden sadness, an undisclosed fear. The kiss has shunted their relationship into new territory and Nina very much hopes that, after today, there will still be a relationship, even if it isn’t the one her aching heart would choose. She can’t bear to lose Maeve from her life completely. Charlie thinks it’s a good thing she is here today, for clarity if nothing else.

It’ll be okay.

It is cooler. The light pattering of summer rain has chilled the air. Nina wraps her arms around herself as she waits on the solitary bench,the dampness in the wooden slats seeping through her jeans. No one comes to this tiny pocket park, the space too small for dog walkers, the lack of play equipment too boring for kids. It all feels rather clandestine, not like their usual meetings in town where they’d amble around the shops, arms linked, trying on clothes they could never afford. They would slurp caramel frappuccino and laugh at each other’s creamy moustaches, devour plates of French fries and then worry they were fat. It all seems so inconsequential now, the things they used to stress about. A few months ago their biggest concern was their GCSEs, whether they’d put on weight and if they’d ever achieve the perfect eyebrow arch. Now it was being an orphan, the uncertainty of the future and… this. Whateverthisis.

It’ll be okay.

Nina gazes up at the rainbow curving over the trees, the thin strips of colour shimmering in the hazy sunlight and she remembers the adventure of seeking out the pot of gold, Mum ambling behind, Duke in a baby sling across her chest.

‘Hurry-up. Hurry-up,’ she had called. ‘Before it disappears.’

But the end of the arc was always just out of reach, disappearing in front of her eyes, the sky again a flat blue, as though the rainbow had never been there at all, and Nina could never quite understand how something could be there and then suddenly not. She hasn’t believed in pixies and treasure for a long, long time, but love? She still believes in love.

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