Page 118 of From Now On

‘Terrifying.’ It is only now Charlie realizes how daunting the prospect of releasing his carefully crafted words into the world is. He thinks about the submissions he would receive on a daily basis and wonders whether his responses should have been quicker, kinder, but the sheer volume of emails he’d receive didn’t allow for the luxury of detailed feedback. It’s so much responsibility cradling someone else’s dreams in your hands but he remembers the thrill of discovering a new writer,nurturing their career, and wonders what editors will think when they read his opening line, ‘There are many different kinds of love.’ He hopes they will want to read on.

‘It’s hard to share. To be… vulnerable,’ Pippa says, and Charlie knows they are no longer talking about his book. ‘Are the kids – ?’ She glances around the room.

‘They’re in the living room watchingDie Hard.’

‘Still on Christmas films?’

He grins. ‘It’s not a Christmas film.’

‘It totally is.’

‘Maybe you’re right.’

‘Yippee-ki-yay.’

She smiles and Charlie’s heart turns over inside of his chest.

‘That’s not the only thing you were right about,’ he says quietly.

Their eyes lock, the atmosphere heavy once more.

Pippa looks away, crosses to the kettle and pulls mugs from the cupboard. She is not yet ready to talk, or perhaps she is not yet ready to listen. Charlie waits until the drinks are made and they are sitting at the table, close enough to touch each other, but not.

‘How have you been?’ he asks when what he really wants to know is where she has been and who with.

‘After I handed in my notice I went to Birmingham.’

‘To stay with friends?’

‘Yes, friends. Not Rick.’ She knows he is really asking about her ex. ‘And then I went to see my parents.’

‘I looked for you.’

‘I know. They said. And then I went to Colesby Bay.’

It is Charlie’s turn to speak but he doesn’t know what to say. He takes a sip of his coffee to wash down his confusion. Pippa knew that last summer he had looked for her and yet she didn’t contact him,instead going to Colesby Bay.

‘Why?’

‘I wanted to go back to the place… last New Year. It was the start of everything and I wanted it to be the end of everything too. I stood on the same beach and it was supposed to be my closure. My goodbye to you but instead… I get it, Charlie. I understand why you didn’t turn up to meet me that day and then wouldn’t pick up my call. I get why you’re so guarded. I know that you think your dad made a choice to leave you and, to an extent, your mum and Bo did too by getting on that boat. I know you’re scared of getting hurt but I also know you’re scared of being the one to cause the hurt. The way you put Duke and Nina first is… it’s everything… hurtful and commendable and understandable and… it’s lovely. You’re lovely. And I don’t know if—’

‘I love you.’ He reaches across the table and takes both her hands in his. It is the simple truth. He sees the emotions that flicker across her face, hope, happiness and then apprehension. She tries to pull her hands away; she is waiting for the ‘but’. ‘I love you,’ he repeats the phrase and it doesn’t feel awkward or unnatural or any of the things he feared it might. ‘I always have, Pippa. You were the first girl I ever kissed and I want you to be the last. I was going to tell you that when we met in Joe’s greasy spoon but then Nina ran away and I had to go and find her. I should have called but it was all so hectic. I thought I’d explain everything when I got home but you had already gone. I’m sorry.’

‘No…’ Tears glisten in her eyes and he feels his face crumple. ‘No. Don’t apologise for putting them first. You’re a good man, Charlie. A kind man. I can wait until you’re ready. Until they’re ready.’

‘I told them about you, about us. I had to before I went to Scotland.’

‘What did they say?’ She wears such a look of uncertainty.

‘Nina said I was a fucking idiot for letting you go. Duke… pretty much the same but with less swearing. They love you. I love you.’

Those three words trip off his tongue with ease. ‘I want you in my life. We want you in our lives.’

Pippa stands, her chair legs scraping against the floor, and for one single, terrible moment Charlie thinks that she is leaving but instead she sits on his lap, winds her arms around his neck and kisses him hard. He buries his hands in her hair, pulling her to him.

‘Charlie!’ Duke calls from the lounge, breaking them apart. ‘You’re missing the best bit.’

‘I’m really not,’ he whispers before pulling Pippa to him again.

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