Page 33 of From Now On

‘Duke nearly got expelled for spray painting “meat is murder” on the side of the school,’ Nina says, a what-are-you-going-to-do-about-that-then expression on her face.

‘Right.’ Charlie doesn’t know what to say. Whether to tell him off for graffiti, praise his principles, ask him why he did it but then he realizes that he doesn’t have to do anything. That’s Violet’s job and relief floods through him. He knew he wasn’t cut out for raising kids.

‘Evie asked me to,’ Duke says. ‘She’s my friend.Shelikes me,’ Duke says in a tone that implies Charlie doesn’t.

Charlie makes stilted conversation for another couple of minutes before he tells them they can come and visit in the holidays.

‘We can go to the top of the Empire State Building,’ he says.

‘Whatever.’ Nina picks her nails, bored. Duke doesn’t say anything else except goodbye in the smallest, saddest voice that Charlie has ever heard.

Charlie wakes early. The boxes are packed, their flights are booked. They really should get up and strip the bed; it’s almost time to leave. This is it. Everything they both want.

Or is it?

Next to him, Sasha links her fingers through his. Her other hand splayed across his chest.

‘Do you think… we’re doing the right thing?’ he asks. He isn’t only referring to leaving the children. He’s questioning their relationship.

Charlie has been going over what Marty told him about Bo giving up his dream of earning a living as a full-time musician. Turning down the opportunity to be in the James Patrick Ensemble because he had a new dream – Mum.

Would he give everything up for Sasha?

Would she give everything up for him?

Would he want her to?

He feels the weight of Sasha shift in the bed, knows she is propped on her elbow staring at him. He opens his eyes but he doesn’t reach for his glasses, not wanting the blur of her shape to sharpen. Knowing what will be written on her face.

‘Of course. Don’t you want to go?’

‘I do but I’m wondering if this is the right time. Duke got into trouble at school and—’

‘He’s a kid. That’s what they do.’

‘It isn’t only that. The “Missing Presumed Dead” application should be approved soon and although I’ve said to Aunt Violet it’s okay that she uses Mum and Bo’s money to raise the kids, I’m worried that when they are both older there might not be anything left for them, financially.’

‘So, speak to a solicitor and sort it all out.’

‘Aunt Violet works for a solicitors. She knows what she’s talking about.’

‘You can’t just take her word for these things. Surely siblings are the next of kin? Shouldn’t the estate come to you?’

‘It’s complicated. With Aunt Violet fighting for custody—’

‘There isn’t exactly a fight for Nina and Duke, is there?’

She’s right. Should Charlie have fought for them? He thinks about the promise he made to his mum.

Look after them.

Look after himself.

Contrasting and conflicting.

He’s supposed to be getting on a plane in five hours.

Sasha is watching him, trying to read his thoughts. He tucks her hair behind her ear and kisses her, thinking back to their first kiss – awkward and accidental – and then travelling back further. His first kiss at six, which felt thrilling and embarrassing, and then his first real kiss at thirteen, which had felt… everything. It had felt like everything.

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