Page 59 of From Now On

‘Yeah—’ Duke’s unties his laces and begins again ‘—but you’re probably better off not knowing what it was.’ He stands. ‘Shall I go on my own?’

‘No. I thought I’d walk with you. We can take Billie?’

Billie wags her tail, yes please. She is definitely the most excited to be back home. Nina has virtually ignored him and Duke had followed him around silently, as though afraid he will disappear.

They walk down the path. They are not quite into March but the snowdrops and daffodils are pushing their heads through the soil and the sight of this new life gives Charlie hope that his relationship with his siblings can bloom. He tries to engage Duke in conversation but his brother’s answers are monosyllabic.

‘I thought after school we could play some music? I notice you didn’t take your saxophone to Aunt Violet’s? We could—’

‘I don’t want to play anymore.’

‘But Duke, you’re so talented. Why?’ But instead of answering, Duke shrinks into Charlie’s side as three boys rush past him, knocking him on the shoulder. Charlie narrows his eyes as he watches them sprint across the playground but then he catches sight of Nina.

‘Nina!’ He waves frantically. ‘I’ve got your lunch.’

Her face darkens as she strides towards him, snatching the container out of his hand.

‘You’re, like, totally embarrassing,’ she spits before she stalks away, cutting off his apology.

The bell sounds, shrill and loud.

Duke runs towards the school, slowing as he reaches a girl who smiles as he approaches.

And now Charlie is alone.

By the time he’s unpacking the shopping he’s exhausted, and it’s only half past nine.

Charlie FaceTimes Sasha as soon as he thinks she’ll be awake.

She isn’t.

‘Sorry.’ It’s his most frequently used word of the day.

‘It feels like I’ve only just gone to sleep.’

She rolls over and drags a pillow towards her – the pillow his head should currently be resting on – and props her phone against it.

‘How’s the apartm—’

‘When are you flying out?’

They’re getting right down to it then.

‘The thing is, Sasha, I’m not. The kids need me here.’

Sasha doesn’t say she needs him too. He isn’t sure that she ever has.

‘And that means? For us?’

He pictures the engagement ring, no longer in his pocket but in the bottom of his bag. ‘I don’t know but… Give me some time to figure it out? I can come visit. Aunt Violet can help with the kids, and Pippa, and you can come over here and… it isn’t as though your placement is forever and you might not even like it there, Sash. You might not stay.’

‘But I might love it.’

More than me?he wants to ask, but he doesn’t.

It’s been eight long, tough weeks but somehow they’ve stumbled into May, settled into a routine of sorts. For the first few days Charlie had visions of a family breakfast around the table, chatting as they crunched cornflakes, buttered toast, but Nina, it seems, isn’t a morning person. She isn’t an afternoon, evening or nighttime person either or perhaps she just hates Charlie. He knows he’s broken the scant trust she had in him when he left them with Aunt Violet, and he appreciates it will take time to repair it. Time is the one thing he has in abundance. He still hasn’t decided what he’s going to do career wise but bonding with Nina and Duke is his priority right now, however impossible it seems.

‘Don’t forget Nina is at a sensitive age,’ Pippa had said a few nights ago over a glass of non-alcoholic wine after she’d bailed him out again, teaching him to sew Duke’s name tag into a new PE kit after Duke had lost his.

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