Page 67 of From Now On

It isn’t just cleaning she’s helped with.

They’d had a games night and she had taught him to play Uno. She had played the +4 coloured card and had told him that meant he had to find four things, one yellow, one blue, one red, one green, in thirty seconds. He had raced around the room panicking, a red cushion tucked under his arm, a green spider plant balanced in his hands, ‘nothing’s blue, nothing’s blue’, Billie at his heels, only realizing when he turned around to find her doubled over in hysterics that she had made up that rule.

He had laughed too. It had been so unexpected, he’d actually placed a hand over his stomach, questioning whether the sound really came from him. Whether he’d make it again. He’d felt a flash of guilt. But then Pippa had placed an arm on his forearm, saying, ‘They’d want you to be happy. They loved life.’ He’d taken a moment because hearing that, knowing that, didn’t make it any easier to have a good time but then she’d shoved him good-naturedly, ‘Your turn, loser.’ She’d formed an ‘L’ on her forehead with her fingers,but she did it with the wrong hand so it was backwards.

‘Who’s the loser now?’ He’d shoved her back.

He wishes she were here. He pictures her at sixteen, nodding her head to the beat of the band, swigging from a bottle of orange WKD while he drank the blue. They’d catch the last bus home and then sit on the pavement outside their houses, leaning against their respective fences, reluctant to say goodbye.

To push away the image, he drains his pint and orders another.

‘Bad day?’

‘Yeah.’ He’s not in the mood for conversation so he takes his glass and walks away from the woman who spoke but she follows him to the table he sits at.

‘Do you mind if I join you? I’m waiting for a friend and I hate being in a bar on my own.’

Charlie gestures to a seat.

‘There’s not a jealous girlfriend who’ll turn up in a minute, is there?’

‘No. She dumped me,’ Charlie says without thinking.

‘No wonder it’s a bad day.’

‘Oh, that was days ago; it got worse.’

‘Thank God for alcohol then.’ She raises her glass and Charlie chinks his against hers.

‘Sorry. I’m not normally this… self-pitying,’ he says.

‘What are you then… normally?’

‘In London.’

‘Christ. No wonder you’re depressed here. This is the best we have to offer in terms of nightlife.’

‘I know. I grew up here.’

‘Back visiting family then?’

‘Something like that. Can I get you another drink?’

‘Vodka tonic.’ She hands him her empty glass. ‘I’m Gina by the way.’

‘Charlie.’

Later, Charlie feels the room begin to spin. He’s drunk too much but for the first time in a long time he’s had fun. Tonight, no one expects anything of him; he can be anyone he wants to be.

Gina’s easy to talk to; they’ve dissected each other’s music tastes, favourite foods, debated whetherDie Hardis a Christmas movie, talked about everything except real life. She laughs at all of Charlie’s terrible jokes while twisting her hair around her finger. He knows that she is flirting with him but that doesn’t mean he is immune to it. He can’t remember the last time he saw naked desire in someone’s eyes.

‘So…’ He leans into Gina. ‘What happened to your friend?’

Gina shrugs. ‘His loss.’ Her fingers reach for Charlie’s and he feels a jolt of… something. ‘He’s a train driver so perhaps he’s been called out on a train-related emergency.’

Charlie snorts. ‘Train-related emergency. Like what?’

‘I dunno. Rabbit on the track or something. What do train drivers do?’

---