Page 79 of From Now On

It, whateveritis, is over.

They sit quietly, soaking up the last of the afternoon’s warmth the way they used to after school, not quite ready to part.

He wants to say those three words that he has not uttered since he said them to his dad but they steal the saliva from his mouth and, besides, it wouldn’t be fair to tell her this now. He realizes,belatedly, that he has spent his entire life looking for someone who will love him unconditionally, someone who doesn’t judge him by the scars on his wrist, by his frizzy hair and glasses. With Sasha he was asked for more than he could give but Pippa doesn’t want him for a lifestyle or to fit a five-year plan; she only wants him, and that in itself is terrifying. Now he’s found that love, he’s petrified of losing it. Of losing her.

His mind lurches wildly between wanting to let her go to needing her to stay.

‘I don’t want you to…’ He takes a deep breath. Charlie’s heart-sick gaze meets Pippa’s. She looks to him with sad eyes, waiting for him to finish his sentence but he can’t fill it with the words she wants him to say. ‘I don’t want you to get cold.’ He stands and offers his hand to pull her to her feet. ‘Let’s go.’ He is trying to rebuild the impenetrable wall he worked so hard to erect but it’s crumbling with every desperate word he says and he knows that not only is he ready for this, he wants it.

He wants her.

Forever.

‘I’ll come and tell the kids,’ she says, but she doesn’t get a chance.

Because when they get home, Duke and Nina have news of their own.

Chapter Thirty-Eight

Nina

‘So…’ Nina begins excitedly as Charlie and Pippa walk through the door with Billie. ‘They’re giving out awards at the Jubilant June Showcase and… guess what! I’m getting the “Most Improved Student” prize out of the whole of my year and that’s not even the best bit. I’ve won a hundred and fifty pounds of New Look vouchers!’

Nina can’t quite believe it. It’s the best thing to happen to her since forever. Even though it will be embarrassing to stand on the stage and accept her award in front of everyone she can’t wait to go shopping and buy some new clothes.

‘And… get this… it’s Miss Rudd who put me forward! Miss Rudd! That’s because I’ve seen her boobs and she has to be nice to me so thanks, Charlie. You almost shagging my teacher did me a favour in the end.’

She doesn’t know what else to say to Charlie. How to explain that it isn’t only the vouchers causing her euphoria. When Miss Rudd had kept her behind to tell her it had been the first time that they’d been alone since that night.

‘Thanks,’ Nina had been shocked. ‘Thought my dick of a brother would make you hate me forever.’

‘Charlie isn’t a…’ A flush had crept around Miss Rudd’s neck. ‘You shouldn’t use language like that. He cares very deeply about you. That much was apparent after the… unfortunate incident. And I don’t hate you, Nina. I think… I think you remind me a lot of myself at your age and—’ she’d twisted her silver ring around on her middle finger ‘—it might seem like I’m hard on you but that’s because you have so much potential and you don’t always put enough effort in. I want you to do well. This is my first teaching job in a secondary school and perhaps I haven’t always got it right.’

Nina had seen a softness in her teacher that she hadn’t seen before.

‘I guess I haven’t either. I could try harder.’ She’d smiled and was just walking out the door when she’d turned back. ‘What did you mean about Charlie? You know? After—’

‘He came to see me at school. Was very apologetic. He wanted to make sure that I didn’t hold his behaviour against you.’

‘He had my back,’ Nina had said softly.

Miss Rudd had smiled. ‘He had your back.’

Remembering this now, Nina throws her arms around Charlie and then realizes it’s the first time she’s ever wanted to hug him so she squeezes him tighter.

‘Thank you,’ she whispers in his ear. ‘Thanks for this and for… everything.’

‘I haven’t done anything really,’ he says.

‘You have.’

It isn’t only that he came to the school without telling her to make sure she’d be okay. He’s given up his flat, his job, Sasha and promised he won’t have another relationship until they’ve found their feet as a family, until the time is right. Finally, Nina feels herself beginning to trust him. They’re starting to feel like a real family.For the first time in ages Nina can’t feel her arms itching to be scratched.

She feels… something akin to happiness.

But then Duke thunders downstairs with news of his own.

Only he’s not quite so happy.

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