Page 29 of From Now On

‘Me too. I feel like I live on the other side of the world. We’ll meet halfway though?’

‘Yep. At the park.’

‘Can’t wait to see you. Know who also can’t wait to see you?’

‘Not Miss Rudd.’ They both laugh; Nina has never got on with their form tutor. She had missed the first couple of weeks of term but had found sitting around at home with Charlie and Duke, and then Violet and Duke too depressing. Miss Rudd hadn’t been any kinder to her when she had returned though.

She guesses again.

‘Umm. You. You’ll be pleased to see me?’

‘Obvs me idiot but… Ryan Martin. I bumped into him at the shop last night when I went to buy my weight in Dairy Milk to distract myself from you moving into Violet’s.’

‘Right.’ It seemed like a lifetime ago Nina had snuck out of the house to go on a double date with Ryan, Maeve and Lenny. She still feels sick when she remembers what happened. What Ryan did. What she did.

‘Do you like him?’ Maeve asks.

Nina had always told Maeve everything but she hadn’t told her… that. How could she? Maeve might look at her differently. Realize that she doesn’t know Nina as well as she thinks.

‘Gotta go,’ she says. ‘Laters.’ She ends the call.

The memory of that night isn’t all bad. Nina recalls what it felt like to be carefree, to be desired. To desire.

She doesn’t want to speak to Ryan ever again but still she coats her lashes with mascara, draws a thin black line under her eyes before she pencils over it again until it is thick and angry-looking. She slicks her lips with deep-red lipstick. She’ll get into trouble but she doesn’t care. She stares defiantly at her reflection, her outside matching her inside.

Nina is pulling on her shoes, which painfully crowd her toes, when her phone rings.

Charlie.

‘I’ve spoken to Aunt Violet.’ This time it is him who skips pleasantries. ‘I think… I think this is the right thing to do. We know Mum and Bo aren’t coming back. It’s only a matter of time before they’re found. Violet can’t afford to raise you both and she shouldn’t have to struggle to buy you the things you need.’

Nina swallows hard; she needs new shoes but the things she really needs, really wants, can’t be bought.

‘But, Charlie—’

‘I know it’s upsetting but there are practical things—’

‘Fuck practical things, Charlie, and fuck you.’ She hangs up before the tears she is constantly struggling to contain fall freely. She feels herself shrinking under the weight of anger and guilt and confusion until she’s a tiny figure standing in one of the snow globes she used to collect, her emotions a frantic flurry of flakes. Without conscious thought she feels her nails ripping into the skin at the top of her thigh again and again. The sharp sting of pain makes her wince but then a calmness, everything settling until the next time she is shaken again.

She slings her rucksack over her shoulder and stalks from her bedroom.

‘Nina?’

She doesn’t acknowledge Duke. She knows today will be terrifying for him, and not because of the stupid form N208. She knows what’s to come for him but she cannot help him. She has nothing left to give.

‘Nina?’ he pleads as she walks away the way Charlie had walked away.

Perhaps it runs in the family.

Selfishness.

Spite.

But still, as she slams the front door behind her, she feels a pinch in her heart.

How will Duke cope with what he must go through today?

Chapter Fourteen

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