Page 36 of From Now On

‘If I had I’d punch Jayden in the face,’ Duke says fiercely.

‘Is he still giving you hassle?’

‘Only when Evie isn’t around. I think he’s scared of her.’

‘Christ, Duke, learn to stick up for yourself. And find some new friends. Evie does nothing but get you into trouble.’

‘She doesn’t.’

‘You got detention for that graffiti!’

‘But I owed Evie for saving my life.’

‘Dramatic, much. Only you could almost die eating an apple.’

‘You can almost die doing anything.’

Nina’s eyes meet her brother’s; they are both thinking about the boat. The sea. Their parents. She feels the connection between them. The connection she used to feel with Charlie until he abandoned her. Charlie can’t be relied upon. He isn’t the big brother she adored when she was small, her Big Fish, but perhaps it is her turn to be the Big Fish for Duke.

‘Look. I know we hate Violet but… we’re lucky really we have somewhere to go and we’re not in foster care. If you get expelled—’

‘Charlie could—’

‘Charlie couldn’t. Besides, he’s probably on the plane already.’

Her anger rises again. Nina rummages around for her blusher, lowering her face so Duke doesn’t see the sting of tears in her eyes that she fights to hold back. She doesn’t want to ruin her carefully drawn eyeliner.

‘Hello.’

Nina’s spirits sink. She hadn’t heard Evie approach, that girl is like a bloody ninja without the fighting, of course, because Evie deplores violence. She’s against pretty much everything as far as Nina can tell.

‘Do you know,’ she says to Nina now, ‘that women expose themselves to approximately two hundred chemicals every day through make-up and beauty products?’

Nina throws her a scathing look. It’s fine to be all fresh-faced and natural at eleven when you don’t care about being attractive. Try it at fifteen when you’re desperate for someone to fancy you.

‘Really, you’re pretty as you are,’ Evie says. ‘You don’t need to try and attract boy—’

‘And that’s what you think every girl… everywomanwho wears make-up is doing?’

‘It’s just that I believe that women should be free from—’

‘Fuck’s sake. Feminism is about more than burning your bra, not that you’d have that problem yet.’ Nina lowers her gaze pointedly to Evie’s chest. ‘Feminism is about choice. About being in control of your body, what you wear and how you wear it.’

‘Did you know that the average woman spends almost ten thousand pounds on cosmetics during her lifetime? Imagine the good you could do,chooseto do, with that instead.’

‘Yeah, well, you go spend that on saving a dolphin or whatever and don’t judge those of us who don’t want to look like… you.’

Nina stalks away, feeling mean. What is wrong with her arguing with someone in year 7. Evie is young and idealistic and Nina knows that losing her parents and her home has made her cynical and bitter. She thinks about apologising, explaining that she really does love dolphins but, when she turns around, Duke and Evie are laughing at something; her words haven’t affected Evie at all. Nina wishes she had her confidence, her certainty. Evie has a purpose, a place in the world, and Nina is still cast adrift, unsure of who she is.Suddenly she is aware of the layers of make-up covering her skin like a mask. She considers rubbing it off but then Miss Rudd is in front of her, hands on hips, and she’s glad she has painted on a face that isn’t hers.

‘I hope you’ve brought in your English essay, Nina?’

Since Nina had returned to school Miss Rudd hadn’t once said ‘I’m sorry to hear about your parents’ or ‘You must be finding it hard to focus’ instead asking about that bloody essay all the bloody time.

Bitch.

Before the bubbling anger she feels spews out of her mouth, putrid and poisonous, Maeve is next to her, linking her arm through hers. Nina feels herself calmly speak.

‘I still haven’t finished my essay yet, sorry.’ She isn’t sorry and knows she doesn’t sound it.

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