Page 39 of From Now On

Unable to contain his laughter, Charlie had tugged Pippa’s arm and under the hot summer sun they’d run up to Briar’s Hill, flopping onto the dry and brittle grass. Pippa had shyly told him that she’d started to develop feelings for someone and Charlie had felt his tender heart beat faster.

Now, again, he feels his heart beat faster but he cannot pinpoint why.

‘I… I didn’t go to New York,’ he says.

‘No shit, Sherlock.’ She gestures him inside. He squeezes down the hallway and it’s like stepping back into his childhood. The wallpaper is exactly the same – faded rose print – the muddy brown carpet too but the stairlift is a newer addition.

The second Pippa opens the lounge door, Billie bowling-balls herself at him, licking his hands, his face, her frantic tail wagging so fast it lifts the pages of the magazine that’s slung onto the sofa.

‘How’s she been?’ Charlie asks.

‘Fine. She’s unsettled, of course, but she’s comfortable with me. It’s not like I’m a stranger.’

‘And how are you?’ It’s important to Charlie that he knows. He hasn’t asked her enough questions about her life since he’s come back.

‘I’m okay. Surprised to see you. Why aren’t you in New York?’

‘I couldn’t get on the plane after your text. When I saw the house was up for sale, I panicked. I just can’t see another family there. I see… us. Me, Nina, Duke and Billie. Our family.’

‘So, you haven’t agreed to sell it? I wasn’t sure if you knew, that’s why I sent the photo of the board.’

‘I had no idea. It’s not like it’s ours to sell yet but Aunt Violet has applied for a “Missing Presumed Dead” certificate.’

‘How do you feel about that?’

Charlie pauses. Howdoeshe feel about that? ‘I don’t know. I don’t think I’ve properly accepted it yet. But I can’t expect Aunt Violet to bring up Nina and Duke without any financial help.’

‘There’ll be things she can apply for: child benefit and tax credit.’

‘I guess. I haven’t really looked into it. With Violet working at a solicitors she seems to know what to do. She started the process back in January as soon as I’d rung her asking her to take the kids. Her boss is helping her, pushing things through as quickly as he can. I think… And I’m not sure but I think with her applying for the Missing Presumed Dead and then after that the death certificate, it gives her the right to control all of Mum and Bo’s affairs because there isn’t a will, not one we’ve been able to find anyway.’

‘But surely children are the next of kin?’

‘I don’t know. I didn’t mind when it was the savings, the life insurance. She’s told me there’d be paperwork for me to sign and I agreed, I don’t want Nina or Duke to go without, but—’

‘She’s put the house up for sale.’

‘Yes. It’s not like I think she’s after the money but… I thought it made more sense to rent the house out. Have a regular income.’ Charlie crosses to the window and lifts the curtains, checking that the board is still there. It doesn’t seem… real. None of this seems real. ‘I’ve just called Violet and suggested it and she said that I want to hold on to the house so I can hold on to my memories.’ He turns, hands splayed. ‘What do you think?’

‘What I think,’ she says carefully, ‘is that perhaps you need your own solicitor. You could have spoken to one from New York. You didn’t need to miss your flight.’

Charlie stares out into the darkness. His own pale face reflected back at him.

He could have spoken to a solicitor on the phone.

Why didn’t he get on that plane?

He settles himself back on the sofa, and Billie nestles beside him, her head on his lap. He strokes her ears finding comfort there, and courage too.

‘I guess I’ve been pretending that everything is okay. That Mum and Bo are still here with Duke and Nina but seeing that For Sale sign really brought it home to me. Mum will never potter around the garden again. Bo will never perch on the sofa, carving his wooden figures. Nina and Duke… The music room.’All The Things You Are.‘Whoever buys the house will probably turn it back into a dining room.’ He shakes his head, sadly. ‘It isn’t okay, is it? Nina and Duke can’t be okay because… because…’ He covers his face with his hands while he composes himself and, when he lowers them, he can feel his eyes are wet with tears. ‘I… I’ve felt that… that absolute misery, Pippa, that comes with having your childhood ripped apart.’

‘I know.’ She crouches before him and takes his hand. ‘I was there.’

‘I pushed you away,’ he whispers.

She shakes her head. ‘It isn’t important, it’s—’

‘But it is. I want to make it up to you.’

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