Page 62 of From Now On

Duke stares out of his window. The sky is light blue, dotted with fluffy white clouds. Does that mean it’s going to be warm or are the clouds ready to scatter showers? Mum always seemed to know. He rummages through his wardrobe. He’s never been to a funeral but he knows you’re supposed to wear a black tie but he doesn’t have one. Does that matter if this isn’t a real funeral? They still haven’t found Mum and Dad’s bodies but they’re having a memorial – a celebration of their lives, Charlie called it.

‘Do you have any questions?’ Charlie had asked when he’d told Nina and Duke his plan. He was always asking if they had any questions. Duke has a list but he keeps it in his head because he knows Charlie cannot answer them.

When will Mum and Dad be found?

When will Jayden stop picking on him?

When will he grow as tall as the other boys in his year?

‘No questions,’ Duke had said and Charlie had grinned that big fake grin that he had never worn before he became the children’s guardian. Duke wishes he’d chill out. Be the Charlie that he used to be, a bit cool, a bit sulky, a bit funny. Infinitely better than the stranger he’s become who asks if they need anything every thirty seconds and smiles too much.

Duke pulls on his favourite stripy T-shirt and red hoodie.

Downstairs the others are waiting by the front door. Nina in black skinny jeans and tight top.

Charlie’s wearing a suit and tie. He looks at Duke and then Nina and says ‘Just a sec,’ running upstairs to return minutes later in beige chinos and a burgundy checked shirt.

‘Let’s grab our instruments,’ Charlie says.

‘No. I’m not a performing monkey.’ Nina crosses her arms.

‘Today isn’t about what you want,’ Charlie says, but he follows it up with his false smile. ‘Today’s about Mum and Dad.’

‘We can hardly ask them what they want, can we?’ Nina says.

‘I don’t want to play either.’ It isn’t really that Duke doesn’t want to. He really, actually, can’t. Each time he thinks about playing his saxophone, his throat does a funny shrinking thing and he can’t swallow.

‘Why don’t you bring your instruments and if you don’t feel like playing nobody will force you,’ suggests Pippa as she heads towards them from the kitchen.

Nina tuts but she fetches her clarinet anyway. Pippa is the peacemaker. The constant. She’s here most days. So far, she has taught Charlie to:

Sew (after Jayden stuffed his PE shorts down the toilet and Duke pretended they were lost)

Wash their clothes properly (the first time, Charlie made Duke’s school shirts pink. He says nobody in London has a washing machine and all use a laundry service but Duke knows London has a population of 9 million and NOT ONE WASHING MACHINE?!)

Make a meal plan (because for the first week they ate pasta every night because Charlie said he couldn’t cook because he always ate out in London. No ovens, Charlie?!)

Laugh. She made Charlie do a proper-not-a-fake-laugh when they played Uno and he lost because he didn’t know the rules (no games in London either…)

Charlie carries Duke’s sax and his own guitar, the picnic in a rucksack on his back. Pippa is laden with blankets. They walk quickly because they’re late. Charlie had put a tray of vegan sausage rolls in the oven but forgotten to switch it on. They’ll be the last ones there.

‘How are you feeling? Any questions?’ Charlie asks for the millionth time. He keeps reading manuals on parenting because he knows he’s really not very good at it. Duke wishes he’d read a cookbook instead. Most nights dinner is burned. Bring back the pasta.

‘Who will be there again?’

‘Well, us, of course. Aunt Violet. Nina’s friend Maeve is coming with her dad, Sean. There’s some of your old home-ed crowd. Bet you’ll be pleased to see them and tell them about school?’

Duke’s throat tightens. He hates school –hatesit – but he hasn’t told Charlie this because he’s scared that if Charlie thinks he has to home-school Duke it will definitely become too much for him.

‘There’ll be Dad’s boss and a couple of people from the factory. Marty from the band is coming if he feels well enough. Will Evie be there?’

Duke nods, still too choked to speak. Evie wasn’t sure if she should come because she didn’t know Mum but said she’d show up because she is his friend.

Friend!

He’s able to swallow again. ‘And Sasha?’ Duke knows Charlie asked her to fly over and, although Charlie hadn’t said she would, Duke thought they both wanted to surprise him, but it isn’t a nice surprise when Charlie says,

‘I’m afraid we won’t be seeing Sasha again. We’ve broken up.’

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