Page 84 of The Front Runner
“You need to talk to Stefan. That’s all I can tell you.” I stand and wrap my arms around the shocked man’s neck, squeezing him in a bone-crushing hug. I whisper so only Hank can hear me, “He really needs you.”
The stinging in my nose overwhelms me, and without saying anything further, I turn to pay. “Come on, Nadia. I’ll drive you home.”
She says nothing but pushes to stand, clearly trying to piece things together. And when I get to the front door, I check over my shoulder to see Hank spinning his pint of beer, staring at the golden liquid. But he’s not really here.
He’s lost in a memory.
29
Stefan
I wokeon a pillow that smelled like Mira’s honey-scented shampoo. I stripped the bed and threw everything in the wash—hot water and an extra pod—as though washing my sheets will help scrub her from my mind.
Now I’m sitting at my kitchen counter staring at the steam rising off my black coffee. The coffee that has done nothing to wake me up after a long, restless night. I’ve been fixating on the fact I’ve probably finally found my father. I don’t know where to go now, and I don’t know what to say. I don’t even knowifI should say anything or if it’s best to let sleeping dogs lie.
I don’t know if the man has a family. I have no clue what I’d be interrupting.I don’t know a fucking thing.
But Mira did. She knew everyone’s situation perfectly and opted to keep me in the dark. She let me spill my guts to her. She let me expose all my inner misery, and she did nothing to ease that.
She made me care for her. She wiggled her way into my life. She made me want things I wasn’t sure I’d ever want. And then she turned around and ruined it all with her dishonesty.
Letting her go should be simple. A clear-cut choice. An obvious answer. But I feel like I’m sitting here sawing off a perfectly good limb.
Ithurts. More than I thought it would. More than I knew it could.
Quiet footsteps pull me from my moping as Nadia pads across the kitchen straight toward the coffee maker.
With her back to me I say, “Sorry I left you last night.”
“It’s okay. Mira drove me back.”
I sigh and scrub at my face. “I’m sorry I have such a terrible habit of leaving you behind.”
My sister turns, her golden curls a wild mess in a bun on top of her head. “I wish you’d forgive yourself. Do you have any idea how much happier you’d be if you stopped blaming yourself for all the bad things that happened to us in our lives? They aren’t worth it. Not even a little bit. Don’t let them keep the power. I want you to be happy. I hold nothing against you. Yes, I was stuck with them for longer before I left, but you’re still stuck there in that house even though you’re standing here before me.”
I swallow. I am. I live in that house every damn day. I relive it. I’m trapped there, and I’ve made it my life’s mission to undo everything he did—but at what cost? Who am I really punishing? Constantin is dead in the ground on the other side of the world.
My mom is in the lake.
And Nadia is sitting here. Giving me advice that is wise beyond her years.
“I know we don’t have the same dad.”
“Pardon?”
“Look at us, Stefan. I’m a dead ringer for Mom. You look like you belong to the milk man. Or as it’s currently looking, the barn manager down the road.”
“Jesus. You have no filter, do you?”
She smiles, wide and cheesy, not looking the least bit upset about this conversation. “Unapologetic honesty. You should try it some time.”
I groan, scrubbing at my face even harder. “Fuck.”
“Oh, wow.” She lifts the steaming mug up to her lips and bats her lashes. “Things must be bad if Mr. Proper is swearing.”
“I’m sorry.”
“For what?”
