Page 88 of The Front Runner
I’m missing him like crazy and trying to pretend I don’t. Nadia eyes me speculatively now and then. We both know talking about my relationship with her brother would be weird. And he’sherbrother, so I fully expect she takes his side in this nightmare. If there are sides to be had at all. Plus, I know he loves her more than anything in the world, so it feels wrong to lament anything about him to her, even if she’s become a friend.
If you ask me, it’s just one big sorry situation. She asks me how I’m doing with a weird intonation that tells me she doesn’t believe me when I say I’m good.
I am not good. I’m fucking sick.
“What are you staring at?” Billie says from behind me where I’m staring out the enormous windows at the front of the clinic.
I spin, startled by her presence. She must have come in through the back door closest to the barn.
“An eagle,” I lie.
“Huh.” She peers at the sky in an exaggerated fashion. “I must have missed it.”
We both know she didn’t miss shit.
“Must have.”
“You holding up, Mimi?”
“Jesus Christ. Can you not?” I cross my arms and shake my head.
Her hand falls across her chest in mock alarm. “Not what?”
“Your nicknames. I’ve escaped them for this long. I thought I was doing okay, and now all of a sudden, I’mMimi?”
She snorts. “It doesn’t suit you at all.”
“Yes. Exactly. Thank you.”
“But that’s why I like it.”
I groan and drop my chin to my chest. “Sometimes I wonder why I love you so much.”
“Because I’m honest.”
Ugh. I really don’t want to hear about honesty. According to Stefan, I’m dishonest. And that hurts too. I don’t think I’m a dishonest person. Not at all. I got tangled up these last couple months, but I’m not a liar. And I don’t like being called one.
“Uh huh…” I peek at Billie out of the corner of my eye, wondering what’s coming next.
“I’m here to tell you to pull yourself up by the bootstraps. He’s just a boy. And you are a fucking rockstar.”
This conversation is the epitome of what I don’t want to talk about. “Thanks,” I reply tersely.
She snorts. “Maybe Dalca the Dick really is a dick after all, huh?”
I know she’s trying to make me laugh, but this doesn’t feel funny right now. It feels like she’s diminishing what happened between us. And the more time I spend away from Stefan, the more I realize what happened between us is love. Or at least something a lot like it.
“Funny.” I don’t laugh.
Her amber eyes dart over to mine. “I wasn’t trying to be funny, Mira. I was right. The guyisa dick, and you deserve better.”
What are the stages of grief again? Because I’m pretty sure my best friend just catapulted me into the anger phase.
“You know what, Billie? Fuck you. This isn’t the moment where I need you to be right. I needed you to be wrong.”
Heat lashes at my gut, and I spin on my heel to walk away. I need to get out of here. But I come face-to-face with a wide-eyed Nadia. “Can you lock up, Nadia? I’ll see you tomorrow.”
It’s only been one week since Stefan asked me if I only do things when they benefit me, and I’m still not over it. Still not over him.
