Page 43 of A False Start
“What else is on your bucket list?”
I turn and face him slowly. “Excuse me?”
“The list. With riding a horse on it. And...”
I quirk an eyebrow as he trails off.Why the hell does he care about this?
“The other stuff I ca-can’t help you with.” His knuckles go white on his mug. “But what about the rest?”
Not acortas far as the eye can see with that, but he still can’t say it. Unfortunately for him, talking about sex doesn’t make me nervous. Have enough of it, and it doesn’t feel so taboo anymore, I guess. “Making love. You can’t help with that part?” I cross my arms to shield myself and pop out a hip.
I expect him to back down, but his gaze finds mine and latches on. “No.”
“Because I’m a mistake?” My lips thin after I throw those words from two years ago back at him.
He swallows, and his eyes rake over my body with enough heat to make me combust on the spot. “No.”
“Because you’re not attracted to me?” If he says yes, I’ll know he’s a big ass liar. No man looks at a woman how Griffin is looking at me right now unless he wants to fuck them. I’m not new to this game.
“No.” He shakes his head and only keeps his eyes on mine for a moment before he stares hard at a spot just beyond me, where Cowboy and Spot stand with their heads together like they’re having some sort of meeting of minds.
“I limited my experience to a lot of fucking. That’s what I have to give. And that’s not what you’re after.”
Fucking.That word sounds so delicious in his mouth, wrapped in the deep, dark depths of his voice. It sets my heart racing and the hair on my arms to standing. Truthfully, I’m not sure if I can surrender enough to feel like I’m making love to someone, no matter how badly I’d like to. And yet...
I tilt my head because I’ve got him in my crosshairs now. He should never have admitted this to me. Thinking this attraction was one-sided is one thing. Knowing it’s not? That’s a chance.
“And what if I am?”
I can see the full breadth of his chest rising and falling heavily now.
It matches my own. I’m out of breath, and all I’m doing is standing here staring at him.
His brows furrow, and he scowls as he holds one hand up between us, as if to stop me. I haven’t even taken a step toward him, and he’s signaling for me to stop. “No.”
“Why?”
“Your brother.”
“What about him? I don’t need his permission, and neither do you.”
Griffin scrubs a hand over his beard, squeezing his eyes shut for a moment. “Not that simple.”
“Then simplify it for me. Clearly, I’m too dumb and young to make sense of your ever-changing moods.”
When his eyes flick open again, the heat from before has turned into pure longing. The look on his face makes my chest ache and my core clench. No man haseverlooked at me the way Griffin is right now.
I’ve shared plenty of lust-filled looks with other men. I’ve seen desire in a man’s eyes. But this? This borders on desperation.Pain.
“You deserve someone normal and happy. I want that for you. And I’m not that guy.”
I rear back, annoyed. “You’ve got it wrong, Griffin. I deserve someone who makes mefeelnormal and happy. Which is something else entirely.”
With that, silence falls between us once again. My heart twists because I want him to say something, and he doesn’t.
Needing space, I turn and start my walk home across the darkening field, and he doesn’t stop me. I want him to stop me. And I hate that I want that. I feel desperate, and I especially hate that.
It strikes me that Griffin is perfectly capable of making me feel happy and normal. He does sometimes.
