Page 49 of A False Start
Within a few days, she moved Cowboy to her brother’s farm. Probably because she caught me staring at her out my back window while she worked with him. When my only friend showed up with a trailer, he was all excited that his sister would be hanging around and he’d get to see her more often.
I had to pretend to be happy for him. Deep down, I was jealous. The petty part of me felt like he was taking her from me.
But I’m old enough to know better. I’m smart enough to know that I’m what sent her packing. That girl looked up in my eyes and gave me the perfect opportunity to tell her I’m fucking obsessed with her.
And I didn’t take it.
I’m a coward.
She told me she’d stop coming after me, and she did. I just didn’t expect it to gut me the way it has.
This thing between Nadia and I shouldnothave me this keyed up after a month. I shouldn’t still feel bad. I’ve been the king of no-strings hookups for my entire adult life. It’s not something I’m especially proud of at my age; nevertheless,it’s not like this is unfamiliar territory for me.
The problem with Nadia is that there are a lot of fucking strings. So many strings. And I’ve completely tangled myself in them. Tied myself up in knots over the girl.
Usually, I’m the one tying someone up. So, I guess that part is new.
The vision of winding my rope around Nadia’s slender wrists takes root in my mind as I turn into the driveway at Cascade Acres. The way she’d squirm in pleasure against them. All the things I’d do to her if I had her at my mercy. All the things I could show her.
I’m yanked from my filthy train of thought, the one that has me thickening in my jeans, when I see Nadia’s parked car in front of the barn and her brother standing outside the big sliding door waving at me. Smiling at me.
Because he has no idea what I was just thinking about doing to his little sister.
I grind my teeth, willing the swelling in my jeans to ease. It’s easy to do with Stefan acting like he’s happy to see me. Shame is a real boner-killer.
I adjust myself quickly, taking a deep breath before offering him a quick nod and pulling the brim of my hat lower on my face, fully intending to hide underneath here today.
Hopping out, I offer a gruff, “Hey.”
I slam the door of my truck harder than necessary, and Tripod takes off somewhere. Probably to eat horse shit. I guess after starving for however long he did, his palate isn’t very discerning because he fucking loves the stuff.
The sun already beats down overhead, heating the cool morning air. We’re hitting the dog days of summer where we’re close enough to fall that the nights are cold, but the sun still chases the chill away. When it’s high in the sky, it’s almost insufferably hot.
Truth be told, I prefer the heat of summer. I hate bundling up. I hate how stuck I feel when we get a heavy snowfall on the mountain and can’t go anywhere. The only thing those colder nights have me looking forward to is hunting season. It’s how I stock up on food for the days when I can’t go anywhere.
On one hand, I love the solitude. On the other, the longer I spend up in the mountains, the lonelier it gets. Something I haven’t been able to admit to myself until this summer spent on Gold Rush Ranch. I know I can be a grumbly prick. I know I don’t talk much. But it’s been nice having people talk around me.
Or talkatme the way that Nadia did. I miss that. The charm of her chatting away and not expecting me to interject but enjoying my company all the same. Most people treat me like I’m a letdown on the days I don’t talk much.
But not her.
I didn’t need to talk for her to enjoy my company.
“You ready for this?” Stefan pulls on a pair of leather gloves and nods toward the flatbed stacked with square bales.
Goddamn.We’re going to be here all day. I almost forgot the sheer scale of running this place. Up on the mountain, I only ever have a few horses at a time for training, plus Spot. It’s manageable enough, but this...this is a lot. Stefan has the money to pay people to do the work, but I think he likes to feel useful.
A deep sigh rushes out of me as I peek out at my friend. “Let’s go.”
He claps me on the shoulder. “I owe you one, man.”
I flinch.Owe me one.Jesus. Not even close. “All good.” I pull my gloves from my back pocket, ready to dig in. It’s when I’m sticking my second hand in that I feel it.
Electricity prickling across my skin. The sensation like I can’t suck enough air into my lungs. My eyes shoot up, right into the warm pools of bourbon that are Nadia’s. The only bourbon I crave these days.
She’s standing in the open door, holding Cowboy’s lead rope. But she’s not smiling. Her lips are parted, and she looks like she lurched to a stop after seeing me. She looks like she’s wishing I weren’t here.
And fuck. I wish I could say the same, but she’s a welcome sight. We’ve kept our distance for weeks. I’ve kept my head down and worked the young horses. I’ve visited Billie to update her on their progress and honestly, I’ve enjoyed working with her, chatting about the youngsters in my care. That’s what’s kept me busy.
