Page 53 of A False Start
I wantmore.
“Beautiful, isn’t it?” My brother comes to stand beside me, scanning the horizon the way I did.
“It’s perfect,” I say, sounding a little awestruck.
“We’ve had some good weekends up here, Griff and I.”
I nod, words fizzling out on my tongue.
“Haven’t been up as much since Silas. Hell,” he palms the back of his neck, “since Mira. I almost feel bad.”
I tilt my head in question and watch him swallow.
“I helped him renovate that house.” He gestures toward the home behind us, the one covered in cedar shakes with a bright red door to match the tin roof. “We spent a lot of time together before you arrived. He helped me get the farm set, and I helped him up here. We both had our demons, but neither of us forced the other to talk about it. We just took solace in one another’s company, and neither of us expected the other to talk about whatever haunted us. He liked that I didn’t know who he was. Didn’t recognize him at all.”
My stomach sinks, and I bat my eyelashes, willing the building wetness away. I know my brother was in a dark place for a very long time. I’m aware he carries around a lot of guilt over how things played out for me, and how they played out for our mother.
It’s a burden he doesn’t need to carry.
But I’ve watched him do it all these years. Until Mira. She lit him up in a way I’ve never seen before. And then a baby? I’ve never seen my brother happier. And God knows he deserves to be happy after the shit he’s been through.
“I’m really glad you had him, Stef.” I smile over at my brother, but it doesn’t touch my eyes. It’s been too easy to disregard the fact there’s more than just Griffin and me at play in this game between us. Causing a rift between him and my brother would gut me.
“Me too. But I feel a bit like I’ve left him behind. Like we were so kindred in our misery. And now...well, I’m so far from miserable it’s not even funny.”
This time, the smile touches every corner of my face. There’s something about seeing a tough, protective guy like my brother all mushy and happy. It warms me. It gives me hope for myself.
“I hope Griff can be this happy one day.” He glances over his shoulder, like he’s worried the other man might overhear his wish for him.
The sound of my swallow fills my ears. “Me too.” Because I do. No one deserves to be as deeply unhappy as Griffin seems.
“Are you happy?”
His question catches me off guard. I’m not sure where this heart-to-heart is coming from. If it’s having his dad in his life, or if it’s becoming one himself.
I nod and tip my head onto the top of his bicep. “Yeah, big bro. Happiest I’ve ever been.”
Which is true, but what I don’t say is thathappiest I’ve ever beenis more likehappy enough for now.Orbetter than I was.
“Thanks for joining us. I like having you around. And Griff...He’s not as bad as he seems, you know?”
I nudge my elbow into his ribs as we stand taking in the view from the mountaintop. “I know.”
18
Griffin
Stefan is like a little kid—waytoo excited about target practice. Especially for a guy who is about to miss every shot.
My friend is good at a lot of things, but shooting guns is not one of them. I took him hunting last year, and he did two things exceedingly well: kept me company and made delicious gourmet sandwiches. Beyond that, I might even go so far as to say he was a bit of a burden. Not that I’d ever tell him. Beggars like me can’t be choosers when it comes to friends. Plus, he’s got the bug now. After big city living, he’s settling into country life, and seems to think getting good at hunting is one of those things he needs to master.
Enter me, the best friend who’s been hunting since he was a kid.
I set the cans up on the log. “Alright, Stefan.” I stand back to check the spacing of the five cans before walking back to where everyone is standing, trying not to look at Nadia. “I think that’s about set.”
She’s been a distraction all day without even trying. Just having her up here in my space, in my safe haven, is driving me crazy.
And not in a bad way.
