Page 91 of A False Start
Griffin
I can’t move.Unable to get up from where she left me here at the table, I spin the mug between my hands. I can’t even enjoy my coffee.
Nothing is as good without her around. The air isn’t as soft. My heart doesn’t race, and I don’t look forward to catching sight of her. Just a flash of her blonde hair or the sound of her laugh can turn my entire day around.
Having Nadia in my orbit for the past months has made me realize I was living before, but I wasn’talive. I was existing. Her presence resuscitated me, and now I’ve overwhelmed her with the weight of my baggage.
I take a sip of my coffee as I stare at her still-full cup. It’s lukewarm and really tastes bad. This cup of coffee and I have more in common than I care to admit.
Her car door slams, and the sound makes me flinch.She’s leaving. And I can’t fucking blame her.She’s a smart woman, and smart women run for the hills when they stumble across a man like me.
But the sound of her car engine revving never comes. I’m met with silence and the grinding sound of my cup spinning on the table. It grates on me. I’m annoying myself.
I’m also torturing myself by not getting up to see what she’s doing. Finally, I give in, abandoning my chair, placing the cups in the sink, and striding through the living room to the front window. Her car is still parked outside. A deep sigh of relief rushes out of me as I move to the side window.
The one facing the field of flowers.
She’s sitting in the very middle of it, head down, furiously scribbling in her journal. I wish again that I could take a photo of her sitting out there, so immersed in doing what she knows she needs for herself.
The wildflower I can’t get rid of no matter what I try.
She glances up, and even though she’s far away, I swear we lock eyes. She bites her lip, and I stumble back, suddenly feeling like I’m intruding on a moment she needs to herself. So, I sit on the couch and wait.
I brace my elbows on my knees, drop my head into my hands, and wait. I run through every scenario in my head, including losing her, which makes me feel physically ill. I didn’t make it through as much as I have to find the one and then lose her.
I just didn’t. That’s a fate I refuse to accept.
I’m not sure how long I sit here spiraling before I finally hear footsteps on the front porch. My heart beats harder and I go still when the front door opens. She leans against the jamb and stares at me. I can’t tell what’s going on in her head right now. Her face is carefully blank.
“I think I’m going to head back home. I need to get ready for school.”
My stomach flips. She’s running from me, and I can’t blame her one bit.
“Okay.” I nod, and let my hands fall limp between my legs. Defeated.
Her eyes flare and she bristles, arms folding beneath her breasts, journal in hand. “Fuck you.”
I sit up taller, pressing my hands into the couch on either side of me. “Pardon?”
“I saidfuck you.” She really enunciates it this time.
My molars grind against each other. “I’m sorry. I really am. I tried to spare us both from this.”
She rolls her eyes, looking her age. Looking like a total brat. “Boys are dumb, you know? I don’t give a flying fuck about your meaningless marriage. Do I irrationally hate a woman I’ve never met? Yes. Could I get sick just thinking about you with someone else? A big fat yes. Am I pissed off you didn’t tell me? Yeah,Griffy, I am. But mostly I’m pissed off you’re too big of a pussy to fight for me.”
I glower at her, hating how right she is.
“Too scared of my brother? Too scared of hurting me? Too scared to work on yourself so that you can be worthy of something good? Fuck you for being such a coward. You said I wasyours,and now you’re going to sit there and let me walk out?” She scoffs. “Yeah. Pardon my French but...Fuck. You.”
I go deathly still, letting the truth of what she just said hammer me. The competitor in me is wide fucking awake now. The buried athlete? The one that works his ass off to get what he wants? To defy the odds? To win the games? She just tapped that guy on the shoulder.
No.
Kicked him in the balls.
Something I should have done a long time ago. A flare of frustration burns in my chest as I stand and close the distance between us with a few long strides. One hand shoots out to wrap around the back of her neck while the other rests above her on the door frame, caging her in. “Youaremine.”
Nadia’s eyes widen with how quickly I moved, but her lips tip up. Like she’s amused by pissing me off.
