Page 17 of Falling for the Enemy

The next time I was aware of the situation, I woke up in the hospital. It took time to recall why I was there, and I tried to shoot up out of the bed. My side felt like I was being stabbed in it. I looked down to my side at the bandages, and I could also see the blood creeping through from my movement. I probably ripped stitches out, but now I really didn't care. I hadn't been the only one in the wreck, and I needed to find out if Amber had made it out alright. I had a few memories of right after we went down, but they seemed so strange. I could have sworn that I saw an angel, and then I had kissed an angel.

Maybe it was Amber. Was Amber an angel now? I pushed the call button, watching my heartrate rise, as I tried to figure out the muddled memories in my head. Whatever had happened, I needed to know. I needed to make sure that Amber was safe and not somewhere in this hospital laid up as well. The idea of her not making it had me in a panic by the time the nurse got there. It felt like she was making me wait on purpose.

“It’s good to see you awake.”

She didn't really care about me. She wanted to tell me the day, my vitals, and all kinds of other information that I couldn’t have cared less about. I was awake, I was breathing, that's all I really needed to know. What I wanted to know was where Amber was and what her stats were if she was here too. I didn’t want to know all of that for me.

I cut off the nurse, not able to wait for a break in her talking any longer. I had to know. “What about the woman? What happened to her?”

I practically held my breath waiting for the answer, sure that I was going to get horrible news of how I had really seen Amber as an angel.

“She is going to be so mad that she wasn’t here. She’s been by your side every day, waiting for you to come to, and the one time she leaves, you’re awake.”

“I can’t believe she has been here the whole time,” I said.

“She had to be forced to seek medical attention. She didn’t want to leave your side, but the doctors finally convinced her,” the nurse said, clicking her tongue like it really was a shame. I was still trying to process it.

Then it hit me, and I sat up, forgetting that I was in pain and asked her what she meant by Amber having to get medical care. “I thought you said that she was okay?”

“She is, but you don't drive off a 50-foot embankment and not sustain injuries. You're both lucky to be alive,” the nurse told me, and I think I was supposed to be happy that I was lucky. As much pain as I was in, I didn’t know if lucky would be how I felt at the moment.

“There was ice,” I started to explain, and the nurse just nodded her head.

“We had several intakes from the weather last night. You know what they say about the weather here, just wait a minute and it will change. I'm glad you’re awake. I will send the doctor in soon enough.”

I thanked her and she took off. I wasn’t in a rush, would wait for the doctor to give me all the bad stuff I didn’t want to know. Since Amber was okay and would be back soon, I had nothing but time. I didn’t know how we were rescued or anything like that, but we were safe, both of us. That’s what mattered in the long run.

* * *

Amber came back in,wheeled in by one of the hospital staff and even though I was told that she was fine, she didn't look fine. She had several bruises that were already starting to show. She smiled at me right off the bat though. Her expression wasn’t much different than mine. No wonder she felt the same way that I did, just happy to be alive.

She moved to hug me and kiss me on the cheek. She told me that it was good to see me and how she worried about me. It wasn’t too long ago that Amber couldn't stand me, now I felt a tsunami of emotions. She actually had a tear in her eye when she pulled back.

“What's the matter? You got out of work. I’ll bet you can even squeeze a couple of sick days out of this.”

Amber smacked me on the chest, and I groaned because it actually hurt. I thought I was going to be sore for the next year. Every part of my body was protesting something.

Amber went to her bed and laid down. “I guess now we can tell everybody that we are sleeping together.”

She was joking, I knew that, but damned if I wasn't thinking about it in a much realer sense. It was good to see her humor was still intact because it was easier to look at it with humor than care what it truly was.

I’d been terrified I’d lost her, and I thought in that moment, in that realization, how I felt when I wasn't sure of her fate told me more than any rule to keep me away. I couldn’t follow my own rules when it came to Amber. Worse than that, I didn't want to any longer. All of it had showed me two things. It showed me that I was far more invested in Amber being okay than I thought I was. I knew that I cared, like I cared about most human beings, but it had nothing to do with our shared humanity. It had to do with the fact that in the short time that we had known each other, Amber had somehow stolen my heart and ran off with it. I didn't see how I could get rid of Amber, even if I wanted to.

I started to say something, then I stopped myself. Just because I had changed my mind about everything with her, didn’t mean that she felt the same way.

Finally, I had to ask how we came to be rescued and she told me how she climbed up the embankment and got help. I couldn’t believe how great she was or how lucky I was to have her with me. It was a big deal that Amber had gone back down there to stay with me. She could have left the scene and been more comfortable sooner, but she’d stayed with me. That was a big deal in my book. I just didn’t understand it.

When I asked Amber why she stayed, she just waved me off.

“You’d helped me too much for me to just abandon you.”

“Other people would have,” I told her.

She waved me off. “Well, then they suck.” Amber said it so simply, like it was so easy to understand. I didn’t though. I didn’t understand her a bit, but I wanted to learn. I desperately needed to.

The doctor came in and stopped anymore conversation between the two of us. That's probably for the best, considering that I was still trying to wrap my head around it all. I could have died and now in retrospect it flashed before my eyes. I can't say that I liked what I saw very much. My rules of love conduct were supposed to be there to keep me safe from all the pain and suffering that came with love. It was also holding me back as well.

I was determined in that moment that I was going to learn from the experience. Whatever was between us and whatever was happening I wanted to nurture it. I wanted to see where it would lead, and I couldn't do so with all the stupid rules I had.

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