Page 26 of Falling for the Enemy

Frank nodded his head like he understood, and I wanted to believe that he did. “So, do you like kids?”

I agreed that I did, and it was strange to think that I hadn't talked about it since. It was certainly something that I had always wanted, and the divorce made it feel like it might be impossible and too much to ask for. How could I worry about having a baby if I didn't even have a husband?

“You know I didn't mean to upset you.”

I told him that I knew that. It was just a sensitive subject. I wasn't trying to be weird about it, it was just one of the many things that I felt like Robert had taken away from me. Sometimes that list was just so long, and I was mad about all the time I wasted.

Alice came running back from playing. She was breathing hard, and her face was alight with pleasure. There was a moment of jealousy inside of me again, wishing that life could go back to the easy pleasures of childhood. It was nice when things were simple. Frank made me realize how complicated my life was sometimes. I liked to think that I was easygoing, but I had baggage weighing me down.

The problem with baggage was I had to carry it everywhere, no matter how heavy it was. It was hard to talk about, but at the same time, it was freeing to put it into words.

It wasn't long before we were going back to his place. Alice was tired and I think we all were. I promised that I would see Alice again real soon, and left words unsaid between me and Frank. It was better this way.

As I was getting ready for bed, I heard a knock, and I knew that it was Frank. I had heard his sister pick up Alice earlier, and he had that look in his eyes that I knew well.

“It's late, Frank. What do you want?” I asked, trying to appear like I was really tired.

That grin, his smile, the expression was quite clear what he wanted. He was here for extracurricular activities and damned if I couldn’t tell him no. There was a definite realization that I didn't want to tell him that. Maybe it was the fact that he wanted to find out about me. I knew it was silly, but it felt right that he was trying to make something happen. I told him that I didn't want a relationship. I was still on the rebound from my ex-husband and a failed marriage. Everybody would say the last thing I needed was to jump into another relationship, but that's all I wanted to do. He wanted to talk about things that really mattered, which meant that he wanted to stick around in my life. How could I say no to that?

Better question was, why would I want to?

“I want to make babies.” He said it so casually as he pushed the door in and moved in behind me. I was having a very different reaction, unsure how to speak, my voice suddenly failing me. Did I really just hear that right?

“What did you say?” I asked, shocked more than anything.

He grinned and pulled me in close for a kiss. “You heard me.”

I certainly had something to say about that, but when he put his hands on me, I didn’t have any self-control to do anything but what he wanted. I think he knew it too. That's why he kissed me so softly and delicately.

There was no time to argue with him. There was no time to do anything, except kiss him back and wait for the wave of pleasure that was sure to follow.

24

Frank

Iwoke up with a bad feeling. I didn't know what it was, but the sinking feeling hit me as soon as I opened my eyes, maybe even before that. I looked over next to me, assured that Amber was right where she was supposed to be, but still I felt my body bracing for bad things to come. It wasn't a good feeling, this sort of anticipation but that's the only way I could describe it. Dread drove me from the bed quietly, so that I could assure myself that it was nothing. I looked around her place, made sure that the doors were still locked, and was on my way back to the bedroom when she woke up.

Amber had a glow about her and I wanted to take credit for it. Every time we were together, she glowed for hours. I wanted to make it where Amber was always glowing.

“Good morning.”

She moved to kiss me, and I kissed her back, trying not to get ahead of myself. It could have been easier, and it would take my mind away from all the bad feelings I was harboring.

“So, what are your plans for today?” I asked as casually as I could. I didn't want her to know that I was hanging on her every word. Every time I was with Amber, I had to remind myself to slow down and chill out. Things were so different with her.

“I actually have to fly back home.”

That had my attention and I asked her what she was doing that for. Maybe I worried just a tiny bit that she was leaving for good. Why did the very idea of her leaving make my insides quiver so much?

I had to chill out, she didn't want my overzealousness, so I asked what she was going back home for. Still, I was trying to be as nonchalant about it as I could possibly be. Inside, I was hanging on her every word. In my mind, I was playing out scenarios where she was mine.

“Cousin Angie has a wedding, her second, and I want to be there for it. They are so in love, she looks so happy. I know I have work in a couple of days, but I figured I can go, stay a night, go to the wedding, and come back in time for my schedule.”

Relief flashed over me like a tidal wave, and I was finally able to breathe. I really needed to check my intense need that I felt for her. It was disconcerting and altogether unhelpful. I had never been the one that cared more in a relationship. I’d never tried so hard to be in a relationship with a woman that wanted to leave it loose. I was the one who now wanted titles.

“If you need some time off, or a date, just let me know.”

The last part was spontaneous, but I really wanted her to say that she wanted me to go. It was intimate, it was her family, it should be the sort of situation that I was trying desperately to get out of, but like everything else, nothing made sense when it came to her. Instead of trying to run away from commitment, I was trying to run toward it. I just knew that it was the right step.

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