Page 28 of Falling for the Enemy

“Would you bring your boyfriends out here?”

I looked over at Frank, wondering why he would ask such a thing. I never knew what was going through that head of his. “I don't know, I don't think so.”

“First time for everything.”

His question made me wonder one of my own. “Is that what you are, are you my boyfriend?”

“I have been trying to figure that out since we got together. Am I your boss, neighbor, lover, boyfriend, what am I to you?”

“You know, sometimes you don't act like most guys.”

“That's a good thing, isn't it?”

I agreed that it was, but what I kept out was how it was easier to deal with a normal guy because I knew what I was getting. With Frank, I'm not sure I knew. It was how I imagined the two of us together. It felt natural, it was a good feeling, but how could that really work out? We were so different. Frank was loud and had no problem getting aggressive when necessary and I abhorred violence. We had saved each other, but was that enough? Had we been through enough together to make this real?

“You're looking at me like you have a million things to say, but you don't want to say any of them.”

I looked down, kicking a rock underneath my feet. “I really don't know what this is. You want to get to know me, but what about you? Why do you have all these rules? I heard Alice and your sister talking about them. You don’t date women because you have rules. Why would you have rules?”

“Why do you? You have them because your husband cheated on you. It's not too far off from my story. Thought I was in love, I wasn't. She wasn’t anyway and she moved on before I even realized it was happening. I guess it feels a little worse in a small town because I have to see her all the time. And if I don't see her, somebody is asking me about her or telling me about her, because they think I want to know. I don’t, but no one cares.”

I was in a similar situation, and I felt bad. “How long ago?”

“Almost four years.”

That surprised me. “You haven't been with anybody in four years?”

He agreed and it made me giggle a little bit. He kind of gave me this dirty look and asked me what was so funny.

“Well, it makes a lot more sense now, the way you can never get enough.”

Frank disagreed with the sentiment, telling me that it had nothing to do with his time without. It had to do with me, the way he felt, and the way I felt in his arms. Hands down, that was probably the best answer that I had ever heard.

I think he knew that too, as he gently laid me down on the grass. Soon, he was kissing me, and I was no longer thinking about anything else but him. Frank had a tendency to turn my mind to mush and this moment with him was no different. I had no excuse as to why I couldn’t get enough of him. I just couldn’t.

26

Frank

The wedding was just like I knew it was going to be. There were so many people, and I didn't know any of them. I knew Amber and that was it. I stayed with her, going through the motions, saying hello, pretending that I was happy to be there. I was introduced as the boyfriend, something that mattered more to me than I cared to admit. It was easy to say that I didn't care, but I did. I didn't want to just be her friend or her neighbor or her boss, I wanted everyone to know what she meant to me. What I meant to her. It felt like we were getting somewhere and that made me happy.

What I didn't understand now was why I was so obsessed with Amber. That was the word that came to mind, obsessed. I didn't like how I felt about her and how strong my feelings were because sometimes it was suffocating, but it was like there was nothing I could do anyway. The more I tried to resist Amber and the draw that I felt toward her, the worse it became.

When the wedding was over, it was time for the reception, and I was looking forward to that part. I needed a drink bad and I didn't think that I was the only one.

Amber was downright glowing, and she was being so amenable. I asked her if she wanted a drink, and she just gave me this dazzling smile back. I felt like we were finally going in the right direction. Not only was I looking forward to a drink and the ability to loosen my tie, but I was also looking forward to a dance. How badly I wanted the opportunity. It was cheesy I knew, but it was all I could think about, Amber in my arms and music filling the air.

After a couple of dances with her mother and her sister, I thought I had gotten the seal of approval. There was a bit of anxiety about it all, but I tried not to think about it too much. Even as I thought that, how could I not wonder if those people would one day be my in-laws. I thought it was crazy, but waiting a minute longer to tell Amber how I felt was crazy too. It felt like something that needed to be rectified immediately.

I made up my mind that I was just going to tell her. She would appreciate my honesty and then we would both know where we stood. I wanted her to know that I was in love with her. I thought it was important. The fact that I had never said it before, not in a really long time, was something that was important as well. I didn't think that I would ever feel this way again and now that I did, now that everything I hoped for was right in front of me, it was impossible not to want to scream it from the rooftops.

We had our dance, a perfect dance, slow music and the world around us fell away. It was straight out of a romantic movie. I held Amber close, and I swore then and there that I was never going to let her go. There was just a magnificent feeling that came along the way. I was so close to telling her everything, bearing my soul, but I decided to wait just a little bit longer. I had waited this long, I wanted it to be perfect. I wanted to get the words exactly right, which meant that I had to think about it a little bit. It was a big step, telling someone I loved them, but I knew that I was ready. If I wasn't ready now, I never would be.

As the wedding reception wound down, I tried to talk Amber out of going back to her parents’ house, but she insisted, and I couldn't deny her anything. It wasn’t working with my plans. At her parents’ we couldn’t be alone, and how was I going to bare my soul to her in front of her parents and family? I wanted to get away, somewhere where it was just me and her. That’s what I had in my head as a plan. I was just going to have to convince Amber in another way.

Amber gave me a kiss and told me that she would be right back. She was going to go grab her coat from the coatroom and I made her promise that we were going to take the long way back to her parents’. The place was pretty small, only a few miles in the whole town, but when determined, I figured that we could find a way.

She was gone for several moments, and I started to wonder where she was. There were so many people at the wedding, I figured that I’d just missed her. After about 10 or 15 minutes though, I started to realize that she had been gone way too long. I wasn't really concerned, just wondering what had happened. She was pretty focused on getting out of there like me, so I couldn't understand why she was taking so long.

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