Page 29 of Falling for the Enemy

I didn't see her as I was walking into the back, and she said that she was just getting her coat, so it shouldn't be that hard to find her. When I didn't at once see her, I tried not to freak out. We were at her sister’s wedding and the last thing I needed to do was freak out. She was probably just caught up talking with somebody, I reasoned to myself. I remembered the bad feeling I had[SS6] , the one that refused to sit well in my stomach. I had no reason to worry about it. I had almost convinced myself that it was all in my head when I heard this piercing scream coming from the other side of the reception hall. I didn't know why, but I knew that it was going to be Amber, something had happened, and I rushed over there, no longer caring if I looked like a crazy person. At the moment, the idea of Amber being hurt made me feel like a crazy person.

When I got to the place where everyone was starting to gather, I had to bodily push somebody out of my way, not hard but hard enough that they moved. I didn't even know if it was Amber yet, but there was no surprise when I saw her lying on the ground. There was a small amount of blood coming from somewhere on her head and the worst feeling started to come over me.

I told everyone to back up, like I was a doctor, but I had no medical experience. I didn't know what to do, I just knew that something had to be done. Somebody called for an ambulance. I didn’t know if we should move her or not. I didn't move away from my spot next to her until an actual doctor came forward and said that I needed to give her some room.

“Is she breathing?” I must have asked that question ten times before I finally got an answer. Yes, she was breathing.

That knowledge made my breath come out a little bit easier, but I still had no idea what was happening, what had happened to her. I looked around the crowd, suspicion filling every fiber of my being. Had somebody done this to her? I wanted to personally question everyone, but someone mentioned that it looked like she had fallen and hit her head. I didn't know if that was true or not, all I knew was that we needed to get her help.

I didn't think I'd ever been so scared in all of my life. The idea of something happening to Amber was far worse than me losing her personally. The whole world would lose her and that seemed like the biggest shame of all. The world needed more people like Amber, not less.

The paramedics got there and put her on oxygen as they wheeled her off. Her mother went with her, and obviously now I was stuck at this wedding with a bunch of people that I didn't know. I wanted to be with her. I had no desire to be at the wedding. The only reason I was here was because of her, because I invited myself. I wanted to leave, but at the moment there was no way to. Finally, I convinced one of her relatives to let me borrow their car so I could go to the hospital. I couldn’t just sit around at the reception and wait. I needed to know what happened to her. It was all I was thinking about.

Everything had been going so perfectly. I was just about to tell Amber how much I loved her. How could this be happening? How could I have let any of this happen and Amber not know how I really felt?

27

Amber

Iwoke up slowly, like I was coming out of a dream. At first, I could hear all the sounds around me, but they didn't make sense and I tried to wake up further. I was awake, the sounds were the hospital, machines beeping and nurses yelling down the hallway about patients. Others talked with a nurse next to me. I knew that she was messing with my machine, but I just couldn't open my eyes.

This went on for quite some time, I couldn’t even really say how long. It was like I could hear what was going on around me, I could almost visualize it all in my head, but I just couldn't see it. If I couldn’t touch it, I couldn't take part in it. There was a strange feeling, and I forced myself back into sleep because it was hard to deal with.

I came to several more times with the same result. I could hear, but I couldn't wake up. It was like I was lying there and there was nothing I could do to change it. I wanted to take part in life, say something, do something, ask why in the world I was in the hospital or what had happened, why I couldn't wake up. Those few questions went round and round in my mind, with no easy answer in sight.

There were people talking to me, strange one-sided conversations that always ended with the other person crying. I'm pretty sure that was my fault, I didn't mean to make anybody cry. Some other people I recognized from their voices, others were garbled, and they weren’t all that clear. Still, there were some voices that I didn't recognize at all.

Every time I went back to sleep, I woke up in the same dream. I started to get frustrated, listless even, but I soon realized that neither thing was going to make me feel any better. I needed to focus my energy and wake up. How hard could it be, right? All I needed to do was just wake up.

Like coming out of the dream, the one thing I had hoped for, the one thing I kept praying for, was that I would wake up and be able to participate in the life that was going on around me. I came back to consciousness at one point, and I thought it was going to be like every other time. It wasn't. I laid there for a moment, listening to the people around me and my eyes started to itch. This wasn't the first time that some part of me itched, and it was close to driving me crazy because I couldn't reach it, but this time when I moved my hand, it did what I was telling it to do.

I wanted to cry. Something so simple as being able to scratch my face was a big deal now. Once I felt the connection, I started to scratch other areas of my body that were long overdo for it. I didn't know if I really truly realized that I was doing something that had been impossible up until this point, but it suddenly occurred to me to try to open my eyes. I was sure that it wouldn't work, but something in the back of my mind told me just to try it.

I tried and it worked! My vision wasn’t what I remembered though. The light was so bright that I had to close my eyes back at once. I almost cried again. How would I have ever known that doing something so simple was going to mean so much to me?

When I opened my eyes again, it was still very bright, and I still couldn’t actually see. It was frustrating, but I was moving forward and at the moment, that was all that mattered. After so long not being able to control my own body or participate in life, the smallest things mattered.

My vision was blurred, but it improved after I wiped my eyes of tears that had accumulated without my knowledge. That was when I realized that I had awakened from a coma. That was the word that the hospital staff used, coma. I didn’t like the sound of that at all. I was in a persistent coma, but no longer. No longer would I be unable to answer questions or take part in my own life. I was back, and I couldn't believe it.

The doctor came in not too long after, asking questions and everyone wanted to know how I was feeling. It was a hard one to really put into words, but I tried the best I could. I felt like I’d just come back from the dead.

There were a few nods of agreements and I guess that feeling wasn't too far off from what they’d heard in the past. I wasn't ready then to hear about all the damage and how long my life had been put on hold. I just needed a minute, I needed to breathe. Phone calls were made, and I was assured that my family would be there in no time.

Nurse Holly looked back before leaving the room and smiled. “Oh and of course, Frank will be here. He said he was leaving work as soon as I called.”

At first I was just going to smile and nod, because company was always good, but I had no idea who Frank was. She was acting like I should know, but I didn't know who Frank was and why was he going to be here soon.

* * *

My mother wasthe first one to make it to the hospital and she caught me chowing down on a big bowl of soup. It was only broth, didn't even have any chunks in it, but since I had been in a coma for so long, it was going to take time for me to be able to eat real food again. That was a bummer, considering how hungry I was, but I just joked it off that I would finally be able to lose some weight. I knew it was funny, considering I had already lost enough, but they pitied me enough to laugh.

Either way, I was feeling pretty good when my mom came in. She started crying. She was really on the verge of hysterics and I told her that it was okay. Everything was going to be fine, but she just kept shaking her head and talking about how she thought she had lost me. I reminded her she hadn’t lost her daughter; I was right there. She was so worked up and in her grief, that I just let her cry on my shoulder for quite a while. I still had a lot of questions, and I didn't know what she had been through, but it was a lot. I could feel relief going through her. She’d never acted this way before. She must have really thought that I was going to die.

Finally, when she was spent, she sat up and looked at me. Her eyes were so red from her emotions, but I couldn’t help my own becoming red as well. I was still trying to piece together how I had gotten to the hospital in the first place, so naturally I wanted to know what happened.

“I don't think we know quite certainly what happened. You were getting your coat, you were about to leave the wedding, and I don't know what happened. You bumped your head really hard, and you were found lying on the floor. I have to tell you; it freaked a lot of people out, Amber. So many people have been praying for you. It's no small task that you are still alive and awake. We all thought the worst. The only one who was convinced that you would pull through was Frank. He’s going to be so happy to see you. He has been a rock through all of this. I don’t know how any of us would have been able to do it without him. You really got yourself a good one with him.”

It was that name again. I didn’t recognize it and I was a little curious why I kept hearing about somebody I didn't even know. “Why does everyone keep talking about Frank?”

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