Page 22 of Falling For My Childhood Crush

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Beatrice

My brother was waiting for me when I got out of work, and I knew that it wasn't some kind gesture because he wanted to spend time together and give me a ride home. This was him being him, and I tried not to feel resentful, but it truly was impossible. He was treating me like a child, and I didn't appreciate it at all. Whatever I did or didn't decide to do with Jeff was none of his business. Just because they were friends, it didn't mean that I couldn’t do what I wanted. Lester was my older brother, but I was never going to give him that sort of power. This was my decision, not his.

I got in the car with Lester because if I didn't, it was only going to make a scene and have everybody looking at us. I wanted to believe that he didn't know how rude he was being or how he made me feel, but then again, there was a very good chance that he didn't care. One of the reasons that we didn't get along was because Lester thought a lot more about what everybody else thought of him instead of what was right or wrong.

I’d told Jeff that it was best that we keep our distance from each other, and I really did believe that, but I didn't mean that I wasn't angry about it. There was no real good reason that we couldn't see each other. There was chemistry with Jeff that I hadn't felt with anyone else before. I would be lying if I said that I didn't want to see where else it would go. Of course, I did.

Lester tried to talk to me. He knew I was upset with him, and he had never been good with people being mad at him. He tried to make me laugh, telling me a crazy story about one of the calls he had, but truth be told, I had no desire for conversation. I was mad at him, and I wanted to stay that way toward him, until he saw how he was acting. I hoped that it didn't take too long.

“Are you not going to talk to me?” Lester asked like he was concerned.

“I don't know, brother. The way you have been treating me lately, I don't really see the point of saying anything. You can't say anything nice, right?”

He groaned and told me that he was just trying to protect me.

“Protect me from me?”

“Protect you from Jeff. I know you like to have all these fantasies about him and how great he is, but you don't know him like I know him.”

“If he is such a bad guy, why are you friends with him?” I countered.

Lester laughed. “You just don't get it, do you?”

“No, I guess I don't. Why don't you tell me?”

“Jeff is the best friend I could ever want. He is always there for me, and I know that he always has my back. In this day and age, that's really saying something.”

“But?”

“But, when it comes to women that's a completely different story. While I know he's always going to do right because he has for so long, when it comes to women, that is not the same. You don't know how many women I have seen or heard is head over heels in love with him and are left completely high and dry by the end of it, hearts broken. I don’t want you to be one of those women with their heart broken. You deserve better, and what kind of brother would I be if I didn't tell you the truth and try to keep you safe?”

He was so impassioned in his speech, and it really did feel like he was just trying to be a good brother. It didn't mean that I was happy with all the assumptions that were made that he knew best, and how I should just fall in line with whatever he decided. It was hard not to just blindly agree with him. I didn't know much about Jeff and his dating life. Could it really be as bad as Lester was making it out to be? Was he really just trying to keep me safe?

“Lester, even if you're trying to help me, it just feels like you are making decisions for me, and I’d rather do that myself. I don't even know if I would even want to be with Jeff, but I know that I want to be able to make my own decision. It's not yours or his decision to make. I will be with whoever I want to be with.” Was I saying it for his benefit or mine?

Lester got nervous. “You want to be with him?”

I knew that it was probably my only chance to tell him the truth. I had admired his friend for a long time, and I certainly had feelings for Jeff. What they would turn into or if they would turn into anything at all, I had no idea, but it felt like my right to see what would happen. Why wouldn't I get that chance?

“I'm not saying I do or don't. I'm just saying that it's my choice, not yours.”

“He is my best friend; I mean I know that you're your own woman and everything, but this is my best friend we’re talking about. I feel like I should have some say in it.”

I could kind of see where he was coming from, but at the same time I still didn't want to say it was okay for him to make decisions for me. That was my biggest problem with it all. I had the right to be with who I wanted to be with. Maybe it was a mistake or maybe it wasn’t. I just wanted the opportunity to decide for myself. When I told him this much, he reminded me again that Jeff was not a good boyfriend.

“If he is such a bad dude with girls, I doubt he would want to have much to do with me anyway. I never have made it easy for guys.”

For somebody who wanted to be all in my business, he certainly didn’t want to talk about that. He just kind of shook his head and did the equivalent of covering his ears, so that he didn't have to hear. I found it funny, of course. He was the one who’d stuck his nose in my business to begin with. It was hard for it not to feel like a little bit of poetic justice.

“I am just trying to watch out for you, Beatrice.”

“I know, but you don't need to. I don't know what to say about your friend, but I will say this. If something were to happen between us, I would keep in mind that he was your friend and not break his heart too much. I’m not the innocent sister that you remember.”

Lester chuckled wryly. “I am starting to see that.”

I wanted to believe him, but at the same time, it was hard to, knowing Lester. I hoped he didn’t take our conversation to mean that I was going to leave it alone with his friend.

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