She made me smile. I also hadn’t thought it through. There were some calls I needed to make, decisions that were going to be made to keep Justine safe, and I wasn't going to be able to do that if she was at my place. I would have to give it a little while, now that I was scheming a way to get Justine out of the emergency room. It was too dangerous for her, and I wasn't going to let something happen.

She put her hand on mine and I held it on the way back to my place. She looked over at her own house next door, and the way she looked at it, she probably wanted to go there, but instead, she came with me. There was so much between us, all she had to do was figure it out and catch up.

10

Justine

Tyrell took such good care of me that it was hard for me to see him the same after that. He cared about me, and he kept saying how he was going to keep me safe. I wasn’t used to people talking like that, not about me. I was never the damsel in distress, never needed help. I could do it all myself, but it was nice to have someone take care of me, even if it was just for a short amount of time. It felt good and it felt like I belonged to something more than work and saving others. Maybe I deserved to be saved as well.

When I wanted to leave though, Tyrell wasn’t so sure about it. I think he wanted me to stay the night, but the very idea of it scared me to death. It was confusing, wanting something and being afraid of that something all at the same time. I didn’t know how I was supposed to get through this, because I’d never had much luck with men. I didn’t understand them and what I did know wasn’t very helpful. They wanted me, that was clear enough, but it was only for a short time.

I did leave and I was breathing a sigh of relief when I finally could. Tyrell was so sweet, but he had no idea the sort of thing that I was looking for. I was looking for him to be a friend, but Tyrell wanted to be more. I knew that, the look in his eyes was clear, but it wasn’t going to happen. Tyrell was too much man for me, and I had decided that dealing with him in any way beyond friends, was just crazy. It didn’t matter what I wanted. I was a realist.

His lights went out not too long after I left and I stayed up, wondering what he was doing over there. I got a few calls from people at work, making sure I was okay, and I told everyone that I was fine. It was an ordeal, shocking me that something like that had happened at the hospital, but it wasn’t the first bout of violence that I’d met with in the emergency room. I saw people at their worst and that meant sometimes I had to see the bad reactions that they had. It wasn’t enough to turn me off of what I did, but I was going to have to be more cautious.

The next morning, I was making a few egg whites for breakfast, and I got a call from my boss, Lauren. She ran the hospital and she wanted to speak to me about something. I had the day off, but she wanted to set up a time for me to go in there today and see her. It was important, obviously, but I had no idea what it was about. If I didn’t know any better, I would have thought that I was in trouble, but I hadn’t done anything wrong. There was no reason for me to go in.

“Are you sure that we can’t do it over the phone? I don’t have to come in today. We could meet up and talk before my shift tomorrow.”

Lauren said that it wouldn’t work. Whatever she had to tell me, she wanted to do it in person and before my next shift.

“Are you sure that everything is okay? Did I do something wrong?” I was starting to panic, and it showed in my tone.

Lauren assured me that I hadn’t done anything wrong. It didn’t assure me of anything. That sinking feeling was in my stomach as I got off the phone with her and I’m thankful that I didn’t have to wait long. I was going to meet with her at the hospital in the next hour, and then I would know what was going on. I was going to ask myself what it was until then though, my mind working overtime trying to figure it out.

* * *

When I gotto the hospital, many people I worked with were asking me if I was okay. Everyone knew about it, and I was getting all sorts of attention that I didn’t want, especially because I had to go in and speak to Lauren. Whatever this was about, it didn’t feel like it was going to be a good thing. I was willing to bet that something from the higher-ups had come down. Was I being fired? I still didn’t know why I was there, but I had run every horrible scenario that I could come up with in my head, just so I felt prepared. I didn’t know if it prepared me, but it certainly put me in a position where I was sure that everything was about to change. I’d worked myself up so much, that when I got in there, I was apologizing for things that I hadn’t even done. I didn’t want to be fired; I was sure that was what Lauren was going to do.

“Justine, what are you going on about? Nobody is trying to fire you,” Lauren insisted, her older face smiling with kindness.

“Then what am I here for? Why are you acting so strange? You wouldn't even tell me what this was about over the phone. What else could it be?” Her reassuring smile hadn’t done much obviously. I was freaking out.

Lauren smiled and sat down, offering the chair across from her. “It has nothing to do with getting rid of you, Justine. You are one of the best nurses we have here at the hospital, and I think you know it. We are worried about something happening to you because you are so helpful and nice. People see that and take advantage of you. We don't want to lose you.”

She was saying it like it was something that could actually happen, her losing me, but I didn't really get what she was talking about.

“You're not going to lose me, I'm right here. That guy was just having a really bad day,” I insisted. I really didn’t want to get him in trouble, and I felt like I’d already had this same conversation with Tyrell. I didn’t like it any better the second time around. Why couldn’t they just go with what I wanted. It happened to me after all. As mad as Tyrell got about it, you would think that he was the one that had been attacked and not me.

“Yeah and because of his bad day, he choked you, Justine. You didn't even press charges.”

“What would be the point of that? You know as well as I do that they will put him in a cell, he would probably end up in solitary, and it's not like he's going to learn anything. He’s probably just off his meds or something. I think there was a reaction to the ones he was taking. The ones we gave him. He didn't mean to.”

Lauren sighed and I was trying to figure out what had her so upset. While it's true that nurses seem to get a lot of the aggression that came from the patients, it's not like it was ever going to change. It had been that way since I started, something that I think all of us had to deal with. I don't know how that could ever change in the line of work that I was in.

“How would you feel about going into a safer department in the hospital?”

I looked over at Lauren and asked her what she meant by that. There wasn't a safe department in the hospital, not that I knew about. There was danger in all parts, though the emergency room probably was the worst just because it got people from all over. It was for that reason and diversity that I liked the emergency room. It was one of the places in the hospital that you could actually help someone and since that's what I was here for, the emergency room was naturally where I wanted to be. If I understood her correctly, she wanted me to go somewhere else, and I would be the first to say that I wasn’t too happy about it.

“Where is this coming from? I can’t imagine that every time someone is attacked, you ask them to leave.”

“You’re not everyone, Justine. It was a scary situation, and I think it has really brought to my attention that this is the third incident of its kind with you. That is more than an anomaly.”

“It's probably because I work so many hours,” I reasoned, not liking where this was going at all.

I was trying hard not to be offended, but I was definitely there. It's not my fault that this situation happened so much around me, especially when I was being sent out to do it. It made no sense, and I couldn't believe that Lauren was seriously going to make me go to another part of the hospital because of it.

“I know that you are always here. You are valuable to the hospital; I started this conversation that way because nobody denies what you bring to the table. We just can't let you work in the ER anymore,” she said. My heart was breaking.