Page 32 of Dating His Brother

I had never considered a visual representation of what that felt like. I couldn’t help but think of other lovers I had in the past, and what their depiction of such a thing might have been. A five star hotel room? A swanky bathroom at an upscale club? What did having sex with me conjure up in their brains, and could it possibly compare to the exploding pink sky that Dawson saw?

“Izzy,” Jada’s voice called out, falling on deaf ears. “Izzy! Hello! Izzy!” She clapped her hands together loudly three times, finally snapping me to attention.

“Oh, sorry. Yes. That all sounds great,” I murmured before turning my gaze back to the window. I wished there was a beautiful sunset to look at. Instead, there was nothing but gray smog. Even if it was fitting for how I felt, it wasn’t helping my bad mood.

“What do you mean it all sounds great?” she scoffed. “Isabella, pay attention. I said these are the outfits the stylists have pulled for you so far.” She angrily scattered the printed photos across the table. “Do any of these stand out to you for something you might like to wear?”

I listlessly looked over the arrangement of photos. I couldn’t seem to make myself care about what I wore, which was unusual for me to say the least. One deep green tailored suit caught my eye. Green was my color, so I pointed to it without giving it much more thought.

“That one is fine.”

“Great, so that’s settled,” she said, tucking the discarded photos away.

My mind drifted off again, but this time it brought on a panic inside. I could feel my heart beating faster and faster, and I got the chilling sensation that the walls of the room were starting to bend and close in around me.

It could be like this every day and every night, if you wanted it to be…

On that last night, Dawson held me for a while on the balcony. I stood there swaying in the night air, looking up at the stars and moon. His arms wrapped around me from behind, holding me tight against his warm body. I realized I had never felt the way I did in that moment before. Just so, so…happy.

“I don’t want this night to end,” I confessed.

He whispered in my ear, “It doesn’t have to. It could be like this every day and every night, if you wanted it to be. Just you and me, doing whatever we wanted. I’ll keep painting and selling my work to support us. You can have some time to figure out what it is you want to do with your life. You can find that passion you said you’ve been missing.”

The memory dissipated into thin air with the sound of Jada’s fingers snapping in front of my eyes. She waved her hands in front of me like she was waking up someone who was unconscious. Meanwhile, my heart pounded harder and harder like a drum. My mouth went dry, my throat closed up. I felt lightheaded.Is this what it feels like to have a panic attack? I thought.

“Izzy. Stay with me. Focus,” she barked. “This is the most important part of this meeting and the whole damn thing. I need to know who you’re going to pick. Which one of the bachelors are you choosing to be with?”

“No,” I croaked, putting both of my hands across my chest.

“What? No what?”

Jack leaned forward, staring me down in alarm. “Are you okay?”

“No. No, I can’t do this,” I managed to say.

“Can’t do what? What are you talking about?”

She quickly poured a glass of water and slid it into my hands, but my fingers were shaking and I nearly dropped it. I slammed it down to the table and started to jump to my feet.

“I can’t dothis.I can’t do any of this. I’m sorry. I just… I can’t,” I panted, pacing in place for a moment before lunging for the door.

I ran across the workroom floor, ignoring all the startled glances from the Heartstring employees that burned into me as I passed them. My heels hurriedly clacked along the marbled hallways outside, echoing so loudly that it hurt my head. Or maybe it was just my current state that amplified the noise. I just kept going and going until I reached a dead end of the hall. Not knowing what else to do or where to go, but desperately needing to calm my breathing, I fell against the wall and went sliding down to the floor.

With my head leaned back and my eyes closed, I tried to get a grip. But I was soon interrupted by another set of footsteps echoing down the hall.

“Izzy,” Jack called out to me. “Isabella. What the hell was that? What do you mean you can’t do any of this?”

“Please, not now, Jack.”

“What was that in there?” he prodded.

“I think—I think I had a panic attack or some sort of breakdown,” I confessed, still breathing heavily.

“Why?” he puzzled, holding his hand out to me to pull me back to my feet.

The room had stopped spinning some, so I slid my hand into his and climbed back into a standing position. “Please don’t make me do this, Jack. I’ve been trying to go along with it because I know it’s what you want. But I can’t go through with it. I don’t want to be with any of those men. I don’t want to do this stupid show.”

“I don’t understand,” he replied. “It’s a little late now to be trying to back out. You’re acting like a crazy person. Calm down and tell me what’s going on. What brought all of this on?”

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