Page 21 of Indiscretion: Reckless Sin
I’ll be the first to admit that I sound like a little bitch right now and I don’t give a fuck. As long as I’m hers, nothing else matters.
“I’m sorry I hurt you. The way we left things—”
“Don’t worry about that. It’s in the past.”
I cut her off more for myself than for her. Not only should she not blame herself when I was the shitbag who should be apologizing for my behavior that day, but I’ve already been reliving it in my mind for so many years that I’m scared to do it with her. Afraid I might say something stupid again out of repressed jealousy or my instinctive reaction to get angry first and immaturely say whatever dumb shit comes to mind. It’s not my most attractive quality, I’ve been told. Not to mention, if it’s a conversation we have to have, I’d rather not do it in front of Dexter. Not because I don’t love and trust him with everything I am. More so due to the fact that Ainsley deserves a proper apology from me and only me.
“No, this needs to be said. You’re one of the most important people to ever take up residency in my heart and I hurt you. At first, it wasn’t my doing and I mourned the loss of you so fiercely I thought I was actually dying. But then, I was afraid.”
“You never have to be afraid of me, Princess.”
“It’s not that. I wasn’t afraid of you, exactly. None of the boys I left behind would have treated me badly if I’d come back, I know that. Even with how things went down between you and I.”
“What could you possibly be afraid of then?” Dexter’s voice cuts in, and her eyes light up when she looks over to him. That would have sparked jealousy in me all those years ago. Now it just makes my heart feel like it’s beating to a whole new rhythm, one made just for us. It makes me happy. I realize that her loving all of us is what makes us whole.
“I’ve been afraid of finding you all these years, since I turned eighteen and regained social media at least, because I don’t have a lot of faith in love. My mom loved my dad so much, and look at how that turned out? All he’s ever truly loved was his music. His family didn’t fit into his lifestyle. I idolized him, wanted to be just like him. I thought that one day I could have it all just like he did, my music and a lifetime of love and happiness. Only, it’s all a load of shit. True love is a fantasy, a joke. A false idea of romanticism that the world wants you to believe in because it sells books, movies, music, and so much more. But the reality is ugly and dirty, and so very damaging. I thought my parents were so deeply in love and he didn’t care at all. Nothing could scare me more than that. If he’s capable of it, so am I. Especially because I hyperfocus on my music. It makes sense that I’d get swept up in the lifestyle just as he did, right? Losing you was hard. Carving my name into your souls and then leaving you behind would be worse,” she finally chokes out, tears silently tracking down her face. I want to kiss those tears away, so I do. I kiss and lick the tears from one cheek and then the next, and step back from her once more without uttering a single word.
It sounds like she’s finally releasing something she’s long since repressed and I honestly can’t tell if it’s healing a bit of her heart or causing more damage.
I share a look with Dexter, and he gives me the smallest shake of his head, telling me to keep my mouth shut without speaking a word. And I do, because if she knew the truth, I’m not sure she’d come back from it. Instead, I do what I do best and scare the ever loving fuck out of her with my possessive words and overbearing need to claim what I’ve long since known was mine.
“Sorry to be the one to break it to you, Ains, but your name has been carved into our souls since day one. And this time, we’re not letting you go.”
***
We get to the karaoke joint and Ainsley looks at us all, wide eye with a “hell the fuck no” written all over her gorgeous face. Before she manages to open those luscious lips of hers and deny us the opportunity of a lifetime, I jump in to save the day.
“Don’t give us that look, Princess. There’s no need to stress the fuck out. We just wanted to do something fun and reminiscent of the good ole days. Now get that sexy ass inside. Walk ahead of me so I can watch those hips sway,” I say with a wink.
She gives me a pointed look, like she’s one hundred percent calling me out with her eyeballs alone, but she does what she’s told. I love it.
Back in the day, she was quiet with a backbone of steel. Sure, she had her moments when she’d break down, she’s human after all. Yet time and time again, she stood tall and proud against those who bullied her. Forever the one who had the kindest heart, never wanting to burden anyone with her own problems, instead taking on other people’s burdens on top of her own. Oftentimes not even telling any of us shit went down until way after the fact, when she let it build and build until she couldn’t control the damn breaking and the tears that swiftly followed.
Now it seems as though she’s still strong as fuck, but there’s some sass thrown in there too. Like, life has thrown her enough curveballs that she’s learned how to fight back a little. The sparkle hasn’t dimmed though. She’s still one hundred percent sunshine on a cloudy day when she smiles. And after throwing a little extra attitude into that walk just for me, it only takes one look over her shoulder and a small smile my way before I’m trailing after her as if she’s the Sandy to my Danny, drool and all. She’s not even trying and she’s all sexy swagger and effortless confidence that damn near drops me to my knees. My best friend isn’t a girl anymore. She’s all woman, and fuck if it’s not going to hurt like a bitch that I’ll be sporting a permanent hard on over her. I’ll now be known as the guy who’s got a dick harder than diamonds or some shit.
I can see the tabloids now:Rock Princess turns one of her princes to stone. She’s no Medusa though. Her magic only works on dick. The world is still safe.
Nah, that’s too risqué.
Or is it?
A thought pops into my head and being who I am, my brain to mouth filter doesn’t do its job. “Yo, Princess!” I grab her attention as we make our way to a table in the back. “What do you think about dick piercings?” I quirk an eyebrow in question and love the way she blanches in response, her face turning a pretty shade of red.
How is she so fucking cute?
Maybe I should get a new piercing and give a whole new meaning to having a diamond dick. It makes perfect sense to me. A snicker or two from the guys meets my ears but I only have eyes for my woman, the same one who somehow manages to look dumb struck and turned on from my question.
“I’m here for it. You already know,” Ezra laughs. The dude’s got a Jacob’s Ladder and I’ll do some ballsy shit, but several needles impaling my dick might make me weep like a baby. I’d definitely have to do it privately so I don’t have to nurse a broken ego along with a pained cock.
“I, uhh…” her voice trails off as she looks up at us, meekly glancing between all five of our faces and then down to our dicks before moving onto the next guy. “Well, I’ve never experienced anything like that before. I had a friend in high school whose boyfriend got a Prince Albert and she said it made things really, um, nice.”
I’m living for the blush on her cheeks and the way she glances down at her feet yet can’t seem to help sneaking peeks at our crotches, and then blushing harder. She’s obviously thinking dirty things. Fuck, how I wish she’d share those thoughts.
“They definitely increase pleasure, depending on what you’ve got going on. Maybe later, we can show you the differences between the ones a couple of us have.” Dexter smiles as he casually throws out offers for himself and Ezra to rock her world later.
Damn it! I never thought I’d want to be a part of the needle dick club.
Wait, that doesn’t sound right…
