Page 37 of Indiscretion: Reckless Sin
“Why are you talking like you’re some old woman?”
“Because I am. Duh.”
“Oh my gosh, stop it!”
“You’re already a grown woman. My child is an adult. That qualifies me as old,”she jokes
“Not when you had me at seventeen. You’re not even forty yet!”
“Ah yes, those wild and crazy days when all I cared about was traveling the world with your dad. I had stars in my eyes and big dreams of learning different cooking techniques from each country we went to, which turned into me getting pregnant and eating every type of food that crossed my path. I gained so much weight during my pregnancy, I’m lucky you didn’t come out the size of a baby elephant,”she laughs.
Um, rude.
“Really, I’m lucky your dad still looked at me like I was perfect. He never once let me feel less than when I was mourning the loss of my figure. He was good like that.”
“Speaking of dad, he’s actually why I’m calling.”
“Really? Is he okay?”
“Oh. I wouldn’t know. We don’t really talk much,” I mumble, feeling weird talking about this kind of thing with my mom.
She mentions him from time to time, but I’ve always practiced avoidance in those scenarios, glossing over the comments with ease.
“You don’t? Why not?”She inquires, sounding a little too incredulous for my liking.
She’s never noticed. You never let her notice.
A scoff slips out before I can swallow it down and I instantly feel like an asshole. I don’t want her to feel bad. I never have, it’s why I’ve held my feelings in all these years about everything. At first I was too self-involved to talk about it and then with everything that happened, I was terrified that she’d spiral again so into the lockbox it went.
“Ainsley James Callahan, lose the attitude and tell me what’s going on.”
“Are you serious mom? I’ve barely spoken to dad since the day we moved from Los Angeles. Outside of the obligatory holiday calls and birthday messages, it’s been eight years since I’ve even considered him my parent.”
“That’s not true. He’s come out to visit you several times over the years.”
“I don’t really know how to have this conversation over the phone, to be honest. If I’m being real with you though? Either you’re more ignorant than I knew or I’m an amazing actress. I was so afraid of how you would handle things after your… accident, that I never wanted you to see that dad and I interacted little to none each time he made the flights. And honestly, those didn’t happen often enough to make up for his absence or the fact that he ruined your marriage and destroyed our family for his band.”
My truths come pouring out like water through a broken dam. That’s been happening a lot the last couple of days, which obviously means I’m either ready to heal or that I’m more broken than before.
“No. Th-that can’t be right…”When her voice trails off, the panic sets in. I’ve said too much. I’m going to lose her this time. She can’t handle the truth. I’m going to be the reason my mom falls apart.
“Are you okay?”
“I’m fine. I just need a minute to process things,”she sighs.“I’ve always tried to keep you safe while being respectful of your dad's needs. Maybe I should have made more of an effort, I just thought it would be easier if he didn’t see me. What do you mean he ruined our marriage and destroyed our family?”
“Mom! Are we living on two different planets? You divorced dad when he slept with some slutty groupie and uprooted my whole life, while he chose to stay in LA with his band instead of trying to fix things. You almostdiedbecause you were so depressed. How could I want to spend time with someone who never really cared about us at all?”
She’s silent for a long while, other than the occasional sniffle or two, and I wonder if I should cancel on the guys and catch the next flight out to Maine to make sure she’s mentally stable enough to get through whatever she’s reliving.
“I need to tell you something, AJ.”Something about her voice sets me on edge in a way I don’t understand.“I’m not sure how you know about the affair, but you’ve got your facts twisted. I almost died because I made stupid decisions after being unable to cope with howIbroke our family. Your dad didn’t cheat. I did.”
I stop dead in my tracks, and I’m pretty sure my heart has stopped beating as well for all the good it’s doing me right now. My hands drop to my sides and I try to focus on something—anything. I can hear my voice being called out, but it sounds far away. When I finally realize it’s my mom trying to get my attention and see if I’m okay, I look down at my phone. And because the hits keep coming, I shouldn’t be surprised when a text comes through, making me dry heave and then take off running toward my house.
Unknown:I don’t like what I’ve seen of you lately. I warned you once already but clearly you don’t listen. I’ve said it once before and now it’s time to say it again and put it in action—it’s time to take matters into my own hands and take back what’s rightfully mine. If I see any of those men come near you again, they’ll pay the ultimate price.
Everything is all wrong and I’m not sure if it’ll ever be right again.
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